Well, just got off the phone with BIL. He was worried for me. He had heard that H and I and the kids will be taking a trip to Disney this summer. He seemed to think that it would be hard on the kids. I too have thought about it long and hard. I do not know if we are doing the 'right' thing. I'm sure it will be different...yet I hope it will have it's positives. I have been clear towards my kids that mommy and daddy are not getting back together, but that we want to enjoy a holiday together with them.
I can only pray that we are doing the right thing.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
As long as the kids are aware of the facts that is really all you can do. Their little minds will always hope that their parents get back together but you have been clear and honest with them. I think it's a very mature thing to do to take them on holiday together. You are still married after all.
I'm still really confused as to why that is. If H has no intentions of coming back then why hasn't he filed for D? I have probably asked you this question before but I'm lost as to the answer.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
My thoughts are the same. I have been extremely clear to the kids. I know how kid's minds can only hope for mommy and daddy to reunite...but H is just nowhere near 'baked'.
I have no idea why he hasn't filed. I think he may want to sometime this year. So far, THANK GOD, it hasn't happened.
BIL told me, H wants me back in his life. Not as his wife of course, but as his friend and someone to hang out with. This brings me back to starting a friendship (last thread). It is hard with an H like mine who is very overwhelming. I need to set my boundaries very well.
For example, I don't want ow hanging around the kid's sporting activity. That is MY social area. H will push this boundary, I am sure. But I plan to stick to it.
How are you today Mishka ?
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I do apologize, I never meant to set a tone to lock your thread. I think you can bring wisdom here. I'm just a bit weary as to how you may do it...personally, I was impressed with your kind remarks towards me.
Take care.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
After a parachute jump, new motorcycle and various other 'on the edge' stuff...H went on a speedboat today ! He truly is having a blast and living the life.
I on the other hand, had the pleasure of having a lazy day at home with the kids, we swam, went for a bike ride, had tortilla's for dinner and went out to get some school stuff and presents for my sister's little girl.
Two very different lives. I can finally happily say...;boy am I glad I'm living the one I'm living !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
For example, I don't want ow hanging around the kid's sporting activity. That is MY social area. H will push this boundary, I am sure. But I plan to stick to it.
Cinders, this is where I have a problem also. The OW asked my H if she and him could take my son to tkd one night. I said no because that is MY place to be with MY kids....that is something I will not allow her to come to. Besides, its in a church and she might catch fire Anyway, I dont think my H would want both of us there....
Glad you are doing so good.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
This has been a constant battle with H and Ss and I. They don't want OW at their sporting events and I don't want here there either. But H sees nothing wrong with it and she has attended since they began seeing each other. Everyone knows we were once friends and it just makes her look bad. Now the boys are in college and the football stadium is much bigger. I don't even have to see her there. I hope your H respects your wishes without a fight.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Just so you folks know, I went to a birthday dinner tonight for my former FIL. Know what. I actually just talk to the man who was once considered OM at one point in time. If you let shi'ite bother you it will. Get over it already.
IMP, I'll get there at some point, I'm sure. For now I'm still growing. I'm like a 'diesel' slow and steady. I have told H this allready. I told him at one point I would be civil to the ow. Now the pain, anger and resentment, still seaps out to quickly. It would be a mistake, it would cause even more damage and I don't want that. I wish it was just a matter of restraint...but emotions, (things you are passionate about) make you do strange things... and I don't want anymore pain on either side. Especially not for the kids.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Good point Cinders. Not a good idea to try to be civil to OW when you already know that you could not shut down your emotions about her enough to do it. It would only hurt you further and hurt your children in the long run. H and OW would probably gain strength from your emotional pain. That's no way to be.
Have a great Sunday!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
After a parachute jump, new motorcycle and various other 'on the edge' stuff...H went on a speedboat today ! He truly is having a blast and living the life.
Anyway, I dont think my H would want both of us there....