The Wifey - trying hard not to cry.

[hoosiermama]

I soooo know how you feel. It hurts so much!

While I am still finding it difficult to detach (and I've only been in this a few weeks longer than you have), I found it impossible while he was living with me. When he moved out (really just taking some clothes), I thought it would be awful but it was so much better because at least the situation wasn't in my face 24/7. Of course still in my head, but at least it was easier to think about my needs and not what he was doing, once he was out of the house. It kinda feels like you're giving up control in a way because then you won't know where he is all the time and your mind will initially focus on what he might be doing re: OW at any given time, but that passes and you realize that you have no control over that anyway so why waste your precious energy trying to figure it out.

My other advice from my past experience--DON'T be the one to leave unless you are feeling physically threatened. In a previous marriage I left because I was being stalked and physically threatened and he locked me out of my house. In court he got to stay in the house for the duration of the divorce because I "abandoned" him even though I had bought the house before we were married, he trashed the house, it took forever to sell and I was about 2 weeks from going into foreclosure when it finally sold. It was a nightmare. Of course, I had a particularly bad judge, but still--just my advice from my experience. It's hard to plan for divorce when you're working for reconciliation and seems self-defeating, but it's really more a matter of planning for the worst and hoping/working for the best.