Thanks Cinders. I've reached a point where I know that I should be studying but I am so stressed out with my sitch that even if I do it's not sticking or making any sense anyway.
I need to speak to my tutor on Monday. I either need a further extension or if they won't/can't give me that to drop out of the course until I am better able to cope with life.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I know where you are coming from. H told me he didn't want to be married anymore and he was leaving me as soon as I finished school a month before finals of my final semester. I made it through...I don't know how but I am so glad I did.
Take a break and do something fun it will help you get focused when you come back...and pray...I wish I had way back then.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
I didn't study at all today. I know I will regret it but I'm just in too much of a funk over my finances today. I invited some friends over and thankfully one of them was able to come.
Whilst she was here my S15 turned up. It is the first time in getting on for a fortnight since I have seen him. The last time I spoke to him was last weekend when I phoned him to ask him why he hadn't turned up to help his grandad like he promised. I decided to try tough love on him at the point.
So when he came today I was with my friend and he had a friend with him as well. It was clear that he had been with friend a while and he only lives a few doors down from us. They called in for a plaster for his friend's foot. Not sure why he couldn't get one from his own house but anyway...... I was sat in the garden when he first arrived and it was only b/c I went in to make a drink that I knew he was here so I decided to play it cool. He ended up staying a while talking to D13 and her friends. I just left them to it.
When he finally decided to leave he said goodbye and I just returned the words. Normally I make a big thing of him giving me a kiss etc but today I just said goodbye. He spontaneously came up to me and gave me the biggest hug! Even my friend remarked on it after he had gone. So I think tough love is the order of the day for a while longer yet.
The bed I ordered for S15 arrives in the morning. S15 was supposed to be helping me decorate his room ready to put the bed in but he let me down on that too and with studying it hasn't got done. So the bed will have to go in the garage for while. As I said tough love. My S15 needs to see that his decision to stay with his dad (mainly b/c H just lets him come and go as he pleases) has hurt the rest of us a lot both emotionally and economically. I'm not trying to punish him but I'm not going to be all over him like a rash like I have been previously when he comes home. I promised him an ipod nano for his birthday in a couple of weeks but I cannot afford one now with Hs stunt of stopping the maintenance. I don't like to let him down but I have no choice. I have to spend my money wisely and very conservatively until I can find a solution to rectify the mess I find myself in.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
HI ACJ, overall that sounds like a good day. Maybe son could get a summer job and save for the ipod and you could offer some money towards it. The hug was good,they are so much nicer when you haven't been the instigator. Hope finances get better soon.Are they being sorted by solicitors now? or are you and H still "discussing" Enjoy the lovely sunshine this week end- who knows how long it will last.
I've left my L to deal with finances. She said there is nothing she can do about stopping maintenance if he has stopped it b/c our salaries are now more or less equal and he has S15. She told me I either needed to put my head down and keep ploughing on as I have been or I stop working so that he has to pay. The latter wouldn't solve anything and it certainly wouldn't keep a roof over my girls heads.
Had a bed delivered this morning. It's for S15s room. He was supposed to be decorating it last week but didn't show. So I had the delivery men put the bed in the garage and it will have to stay there until i either find the time myself or S15 fulfils his promise. Let's hope one of the two things happens before winter.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Just a word of warning about the bed Alison. I left a new bed in my garage for about one month and a family of mice moved in! I do live in the country and my garage door is often open plus I was between cats at the time. I hope son feels the urge of a comfy bed a big draw to paint the room soon.
Sorry about the finances, can the maintenance be overturned on a D? I got it until I am 60yrs and my pension kicked in. I had to drop my original claim but it wasn,t too far off. That said after he rem. and moved abroad he reduced it drastically himself! Without my kids chipping in I would have had to sell my home. He has (apparently left a codil to his will that I will be reembursed on his demise) Like the w-i-f-e- is going to allow that!
I think you may be right about the MLC I am convinced that label is attached far to often, helps us at the time to excuse behaviour and gives us hope. Reality more often than not is they have left us long before they physically do and just want out.Many remarry the OW and appear to live happy ever after despite those who continue to say otherwise. I guess thats a help to believe they are guilt ridden and truly never happy, but does it help us to be delusional? Bottom line is we will never know and if it's the one who is supposedly in MLC saying this should we actually believe them?. We are constantly told believe nothing of what they say-actions not words. I hope your H at least starts to communicate. Its hard dealing with someone who does this. Let your lawyer deal with it all but make sure shes good. Hope you get to enjoy the sunshine abit.
