my crazy mess part 3...

[christarn]

Hi Sandy, Sorry I am going to have to make this short...I am off to work this morning...good and bad...work keeps me sane...but who wants to work on a nice sunny beautiful Sat.???!!! LOL

Didn't sleep well last night...had dreams that woke me up....so fell asleep about eleven and slept til 4 5 hours, which is better than where i was last week...2-3 hours!! I baked cinnamon struessel bread to take to my co-workers...that will make them happy!!

I live alone...as soon as I walked I purchased a home; I have 3 dogs, pitbulls...and NOT, the kind everybody talks about on TV....they ARE my babies....and were raised to be polite, friendly and respectful. When raised properly, they truly are awesome dogs. They have been around children since they were pups, and do great....they are too awesome! They are also part of my support system...I cry on their shoulders some nights....they lick my tears. I tell my male, who was with me the day my dad died...he is all the man i need right now!! his tail wags!! My male, Cade, was there the day my dad died...he lived with me and dad...when dad was really sick Cade would have anything to do with dad the last week....but 2 minutes or so before he died me and my sister and my aunt were all in bed with my dad....Cade came in their and jumped on the bed and curled around my dad's legs....tell me now that dogs don't have a 6th sense...and pits are meanies....i cry just thinking about it!

anywho, back to me and my place. I live in the neighborhood adjacent to my sister...we can walk to eachother's houses...close enough...but not too close. My 2 cousins are about a 2 minute drive from me....we are all close. The lake is about a 5 minute drive, and i'm 10 from work. It is nice...oh and 5 from walmart...where as when i lived with the H....i was 45 from civilization....however, i would trade it all in to go back to country life...the city is not all it is cracked up to be!! LOL!! The H has HUGE, did I mention, HUGE, issues with the fact I purchased a home...he brought that up several times last summer/fall when we were on speaking terms/dating. He just didn't understand why i would do that. I said renting a home is a waste, and no one would rent to me with the 3 dogs...i told him it was an investment...he and i had talked about buying houses fixing them up and either renting or reselling....i know this is a totally different sitch...but i tried to explain, look at it as investment property...not "my house"....he still was not happy. I tried to explain how our house in the country would always be home, and how much i enjoyed the time i was spending with him back at the farm....he said i shouldn't have filed, and bought a house...end of story.

I will try to watch for the pastor you talked about. I watch Joel a lot. Even when I get down, I go online and find an episode to watch. My friend also tells me to watch Joyce Meyer. I still have yet to find her. I'm hoping to someday get to Houston(I have family there) and see Joel in person....I just really "feel" what he is saying....especially when he talks of not giving up...it really inspires me. I contacted his ministry to pray for me and my H and our M...they sent me 2 DVD's and a nice prayer book, along with a great email, with scriptures and prayers to say....I thought that was really awesome.

Last yr at this time, I really didn't have much of a sense of humor about all of this...but now, I just role with the punches. I am really laid back. I know in my heart, I am doing all I can on my side to make this work....I know H may not see...but I know the One Man that matters, He sees it from above. No matter how this ends...I know in my heart and soul, I will have given it my all...I know I started this, I know what I did was cowardly, but I'm ready to fix it, make my wrongs right....put that thinking cap on girl....let's "do work" as Forrest says!!

Ok, I really have got to get in the shower...got to be out the door in 20 minutes...I really doubt that is going to happen!! Oh, well...i'm always late for work...they're used to it!!! I will be checking in periodically from my phone!

thanks sandi...you don't know how much this means to me!
you're awesome
hugs
christa