Believe me, though, I am not 'playing' the D card ... I am serious about this. It's not even about being patient. I just don't believe my H can ever change. It's not even about his A ... that was just the cherry on the top of a M where he has really not been emotionally there for me. There have, of course, been good times (I am no history revisionist), but I can remember when our youngest was a baby, the twins were 6 yo, and our eldest was just 13, and finding porn in our garage. And, this was not the last time ... it went on for years, going from print to computer (even though he knew the kids could accidentally find it, like I did). There are so many times where I should've walked away, but I didn't because I forgave, I loved, was patient, and tried to see the good man that he can be, and has been at times. But the A, and the way he has been since, has left me with little inclination to try anymore. I can remember only once, his ever being truly romantic .... ONCE!!!! ML to him has to be just sex. He doesn't tell me he loves me when we do it ... not gentleness. Just like in the porn movies. I ask just once, if we could be gentler, more romantic, and he switches off. Three years ago! Whatever! So be it! He made his bed, and now he can d@mn well sleep in it, by himself.
I just want to exit this M with the least amount of pain, so that I can get on with my life, and do the things I want to do without always worrying about whether his feelings are hurt, or if this will be the weekend where he will show me that he does really love me. I just don't care anymore whether he does or not.
Sorry, vent over!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
