SPM - Football is the greatest sport ever. It is a battlefield chess game with brief moments of intense violence. I cant think of any other sport where a coach has as much influence in the outcome of a game. I will root for any Pac 10 team if they are playing in a bowl game - even the Dogs or the Cats of Washington. One of my all time favorite QB's (Warren Moon) was a dog.
As for my M, it is definitely going to end soon. I just hope to come out of it with the shirt still on my back. I dont mind paying child support and the division of assets, however, spousal support does not seem right since my W is living in an expensive home with OM on Lake Oswego. I am fortunate to be amicable with STBXW and we are 50/50 on custody which is best for the kids in this situation. I also have my first date this weekend and I am a bit nervous and excited.
I hope the bike riding has been good for you and that your situation has improved some. As I remember, you really were getting unjustly screwed over by your W. Have you been doing much with the kids this summer?
Once this revelation hit me, it made me very sad to know that I've often treated others better than my wife. It is stupid, but now that I'm aware of it, I think I'll be able to avoid doing it so callously in the future.
Bizarre - Welcome back. I'm sure you had a great time w/ your daughter, wedding plans and all. It also sounded like the break was good.
As for me, I do feel like I've come a long ways and I'll be better off in the future, whether with or without my W. I see things from an entirely different perspective now and I'm sure I'll keep learning and growing.
I'm still waiting on both the dogs and the parenting evaluator. I did call the parenting evaluator and informed him I was sending him a copy of the police report on the dogs and asked him to call me if he would like for me to explain my side of the story to him. He hasn't called and my L said that was a good thing, so I'm still holding out hope and waiting...waiting... waiting...
My brother and I will be at the Aug. 30 game in Eugene and it may be ugly indeed.
I'm also displeased w/ the amount of time this has taken here. The worst part is our schools start in 2 weeks, so am I supposed to uproot my D from kindergarten if I'm given 50% and told she needs to be in a school 1/2 way between the two of our work places? I'm not sure I could do that to my D.
I was just asking if you had a new thread so I oculd catch up on your sitch. Call or e-mail any time, my brother.
In fact, I'm going to be in Seattle from the 30 of July through Aug. 4, so we should look to meet up for a beer - maybe even an M's game on Sunday, Aug. 3 or something?
Latest Update --
I've been working on getting the house on the market and we decided to have an open house next weekend, so I've been working frantically the past few days as I have my D on Sunday through Tuesday then I'm gone. So, I know time is precious. Today I was painting the exterior trim and although I loathe painting, it wasn't too bad. I almost got finished, but will wrap it up tomorrow. The plan is to have the paint can opened by 7 at the latest, so if I can do that, I'll be done w/ major painting by 11 or earlier tomorrow and only have touch-ups to do from there!
W and I talked tonight when D called for me. D is having W read stories to her on the phone so I can hear them too, so we've been doing that for the past couple of nights. As she tends to do, W sent me a text that didn't need to be sent - telling me D's toes and fingers were painted - after D and I had said goodnight to each other. My DB coach said W continues to show that she just can't stay away from me and that is a positive. So, I'll take it for what it is right now - baby, baby step - and keep trying to reward her when she's being nice and ignore the mean stuff to try and pattern her to stop it once and for all.
So, that's what's going on w/ me. I know I'm working on my diet and weight, but after spending 7+ hours outside painting in our heat today, I broke down and I'm enjoying several ice cold beers. I love the times I'm allowed to cheat on the diet. Those days just taste so darn good!
Well, the exterior of the house is FINISHED! So, there is no more major painting to do. Now, I'm going to clean up, go to the hardware store, get a haircut, then the grocery store and head home. I have to clean up some "spatter" from the front of the house and caulk some on the back porch and then I'll be 100% done w/ the exterior.
Then, I'll I have to do inside is touch-up paint, wash windows, doors, and cabinets, then just de-clutter and start to put things away for moving. So, it feels good to have been productive today.
So, I got my hair cut very short and then hit the hardware store and the grocery for a few things. Once I got home, I realized the main item I needed I forgot to get, so I went back to the hardware store, then stopped off for a light dinner and a few beers before heading to Lowe's then home.
I cleaned up the spatters from the porch light and mailbox and then talked briefly w/ D on the phone. So, now I'm going to drink my last beer and sit and veg out to a movie or something on the TV.
All in all, it was a productive day and I'll be working out again for the first time in a week tomorrow morning then go to get D for a few days. I won't be doing too much w/ D w/ me but I'll clean a window or two while she's sleeping and then really hit it hard on Tuesday afternoon and all day Wednesday.
Well, Mr. Hyde came out last night. I had spoken w/ D and told her goodnight and W then sent a text about today's pick-up time. We were thinking 10:30, but I asked for 11 so I could make sure not to be late as I'm scheduled to exercise this morning w/ my trainer at 9.
Well, that ticked off W. She first said "you have enough money to have a trainer and travel in March, May, August, and October, but you can't pay child support? Good to know. You'll get her at noon because it is obviously more important for you to lift than to spend more time w/ your daughter."
So I replied that if I couldn't get her at 11, I'd be there at 10:30 and all I was doing was asking her a question. I also asked her why she is always so angry w/ me and what needs to happen to get her anger to go away. She replied that she wasn't angry (in denial?) and that the pick-up is noon or not at all.
So, I did take the bait unfortunately and went back and forth w/ her on this telling her it isn't fair. She didn't budge and I did make sure not to defend myself. She kept denying she was angry or that she berated me at all and then it became clear to me this was about control for her, so I stopped.
I told her "You win. I don't want to fight and I never did. I'll see you at noon. Tell D I love her."
W replied that she wasn't trying to win b/c that was "my thing." So, I took the advice of my DB coach here and sent her a message we'd talked about sending. My coach said to wait until she pulled her "you never change" line of thinking and then send it along. Well, W was moving in this direction, so I sent it off.
I wrote W and told her first that she didn't have to respond, but I felt it was fair to tell her these things I've recently unearthed while in therapy. I explained to her that I've realized that I've treated others better than her and that I've yelled at her b/c I felt she'd "understand b/c we were married." I explained these were all complete BS and now that I see them and understand them, I'm working to make sure I don't treat my D like that either. I mentioned I will always have regret and be sorry for this.
I didn't hear back from W on this and I don't expect to. However, it is now out there and she knows it. My DB coach felt she needed to hear it from me b/c I've never said it to her. So, I just have to go w/ the theory that just because she didn't comment doesn't mean she didn't hear it or isn't being receptive to what I said.
I guess I needed to expect the backlash from her as things were too calm for too long. I should not have engaged her at all, but I was pretty upset. I wish I could have realized it was about control earlier and stopped things sooner.
So, that is where we are now. W is angry at me ant is twisting my words to make me seem like I'm a father who doesn't care about his daughter. If she can't get over the past and drop the anger, we're done. I can't see anything positive coming out of our relationship as long as she continues to remain angry and point fingers at me as the source of all that is wrong in her world.
You know what I think is quite possibly the craziest about all this is b/c I had my own personal demons to fight, I spent time in our relationship subconsciously doing things to undo our bond b/c I felt I didn't deserve to be loved. I figured this out through a lot of therapy, but now I'm wondering if W is doing the same type of thing.
See, she was uncovering some of her past garbage when she stopped therapy and headed down the D road. Now I'm wondering if part of her is trying to push me away b/c she doesn't feel like she deserves to have me back. That she doesn't feel like it is right for me to change and her not to do so. It sure seems to me at times that she's trying to make me give up on her.
So, the question is, should I fight harder then or am I a fool for continuing? Some days, I think the answer is a bit of both.
