I have been living with my wife for the past 17 years (married 11). We both are profesionals and make a good living. We have S9,S7,D6.
Feb 14 --> Realized my M was not in good shape. Feb 18 --> I told wife "We need to talk". I listed out the following: I want to do what is best for our M. I want to do what is best for our kids. I want to listen (really listen) to W. I want more effective and frequent communication. I don't want to get mad or angry. I want to spend more one on one time with W. I want to do more family activities. I want to spend more one on one time with each of our kids. I want to let W have the freedom to do what she wants. I want W to let me have the freedom to do what I want.
Feb 18 --> I got the bomb (I don't want to be married to you any more, I don't want to slowly die inside, I want to find my soul mate )
I started DBing right away (Before I found/read book). Lots of 180's. I stayed out of W bubble and got into kids bubble. Cleaned up my looks. Started doing housework while W not around.
March 4: Read DR. (Wow those two weeks felt like months) Time was in slow motion.
March 4: This was the lowest point in R. No eye contact from W and only 1 Hi. She did not look good. She went to bed early and without saying goodnight to kids.
Lots of reading including: Divorce Remedy Venus/Mars His needs/Her needs (good book!)
April 3: I find out W sells stock to retain lawyer. I believe I convinced her there is beter options including mediation.
April 4: First telephone coaching session
April 17: All day session with Wife and Michele
April 29: I visit lawyer to find out my rights. My state is Joint custody in 85% of cases and it is an equal equity state. Most of my fear goes away.
May 3 : I find out W has retained lawyer. Wants me to go sign papers at her lawyers on the 5th.
May 4th : Notify W I have lawyer and her lawyer needs to call mine.
June 1rst: Wife and I talk for first time in a while.
July 1: Wife and I agree to Nest. I have house and kids SMT W has kids and house WTF and we alternate S. 50/50 split.
Almost all communication is now by EMAIL. A few phone calls. We are dividing stuff, I move out August 1-3.
July 23 - Wife said good night to me on the phone! This was one of my original baby goals. Talk about patience...5 months.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
