Buster, this has NOTHING to do with her. Where in my post did I say to tell her anything?
I wrote for you to 1. tell your friends that "give up" is not supportive in any way and 2. to detach.
Do you think she wants to hear she's making mistakes right now? Do you really think that's going to bring her ANY closer to YOU right now?
When SHE shows some signs that she wants to talk then you can talk, but if she isn't interested, don't pursue it. My bet is it is way too early for her yet to hear anything you have to say.
I really doubt she's in the mood to hear it. You need to read her mood. I would be in COMPLETE SHOCK if her mood was in any way ready for her to broach a R talk with you, other than for her to thow you a wall like "You aren't the man I want, let go"
That WALL DOES COME DOWN..but for god sakes it takes a LONG TIME.
She's VERY HURT BY YOU right now. She is NOT going to take that wall down for you one INCH right now. We are talking BERLIN WALL here, it takes a lONG TIME to take down those walls.
If something IS said, BY HER without YOUR INSTIGATION that is in any way an opening for a CONSTRUCTIVE discussion THEN and ONLY then do you try something.
Let me give you an example :
My WW once sat in a chair in our living room and slumped back. For the first time in months she looked at me LOST rather than ANGRY
WAYWARD WIFE Do you really think we can save this?
BETRAYED HUSBAND You are worth finding out. I am in for every ounce. Counselling is here if we want it. I have already been. It make me feel alive for the first time in years.
WAYWARD WIFE You are f%$g crazy.
And she left.
My point is, she opened a door there. She wanted to hear something hopeful and I put something there for her on the table. She heard it, and up went the wall again. She TOOK the OFFER then put up the wall again.
THIS is how it CHANGES
YOU are expecting her to just drop the wall, rush into your arms, and say I am sorry, I have been a horrible monster and I love you.
It almost NEVER HAPPENS.
You will win the lottery if you even get a sincere apology.
1. Tell your friends to support you, and to stop beating you up. 2. Detach - find a reason to want her rather than just succumbing to a need for her.
Enjoy your life. Your friends don't have to save your marriage, but they can take you out for some fun. Play some music, live your life.
If she opens up at all put something there for her that offers her some hope without PUSHING her. Otherise, you will have to leave her alone and let your support group do the pressure work on her. THEY can do that, YOU CANT.
