OK, I really don't have much insight on the mind of the WAS, but these are my thoughts.
First of all, W does take responsibility for her actions. She does not try to use OM as an excuse or to justify her actions. The point I was trying to make was that now that the fog has lifted, she sees him as he really is.
The "light switch" analogy is from my perspective, not from hers. It was sudden to me, but she talks about a lot of conflict over a very long period of time. Those episodes she had when she showed some of that confusion to me were when it briefly became visible.
But I have no idea how to tell a WAS is feeling that way, versus just intermittent guilt in a WAS who is still certain they want to D. But I guess that's why you continue to DB, keep DBing, and DB some more, and be patient until you really really run out of gas, because you can't really ever tell for sure what's going on inside them, or when things might change.
It doesn't mean you don't reach a point when you say enough is enough, because you don't want to be in limbo forever in a hopeless situation. But if you still have something in you that wants to keep trying, then keep trying. I got lucky, because I gave up -- and she woke up when I was not quite too far down that road not to consider returning. But almost.
Gotta get back to work...
I understand that. I was hoping you would say you've found some chemical imbalance, some flawed genetic link..something logical.. what I hear is...I got lucky..
I asked a buddy in my office who has been married 25 years + what the secret to a successful marriage was..his response..I got lucky.
I don't think it's completely luck. The LBS has no control over if/when the WAS might wake up, but if the ground work is not done -- the WAS is going to think "I'd think about coming back, but not to THAT. That's what I left!"
In my case, I meant I got lucky because if she had come around another month later, I don't think it would have happened. But I don't think it was luck that she saw somebody worth coming back to when the fog finally lifted.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
Yea, because I don't know what the he!! what she was thinking when she left! G is a wonderful catch and she is blessed to have him, I hope she realizes that!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Yea, because I don't know what the he!! what she was thinking when she left! G is a wonderful catch and she is blessed to have him, I hope she realizes that!
kat
Yeah, second that!!! OK, you guys this is ridiculous, everybody has split into a dozen different forums now this is just crazy hunting y'all down! We need a separate forum for Hellboy lovers or something!!! Karen
Maybe it should be called...Getting on with it. Whether "it" is marriage, seperation, divorce, remarriage. Really "it" is life. I am going to get some Randy Pausch stuff I think and use him as a guide. For those of you who don't know who he was, he was the Carnegie Mellon professor that gave an awesome "Last Lecture". It was supposed to be hypothetical, what would you want to say at your last lecture type of thing. For Randy it was real, he had pancreatic cancer and was only given a short time to live. He spoke of making his dreams a reality and how he wanted to instill that in his children...all things are possible. He died yesterday having lived longer than he predicted and having fulfilled practically all of his childhood dreams. He was 47.
I choose him as my role model from here on out.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
So I realize we're hijacking g's thread, but that's okay. He's working on piecing now and can't be bothered with posting much anymore.
Anyhow, Randy Pausch brings to mind the experience of Edward Said. Said was very interested in "Late Style" - a reflection of learning and wisdom that an artist has acquired by a lifetime of experience and reflection. Essentially, late style has nothing left to prove.
Is there a late style? The public seems to need it, to know that there is a progression to human understanding. That there's a point, a result of the journey.
What's interesting about Said is that he began his career focusing on beginnings - studying origins and our need to imagine and construct them. So it's interesting his lectures at Columbia before his death turned to late style. Especially since he was diagnosed with leukemia, which he recently died from.
There was a book published from Said's and Said's students lecture notes. Unfortunately those were sparse, so the book isn't great, and the subject matter is more academic than Pausch. But it is an incredible catalyst to think of the rich culture we have at our fingertips from those who have preceded Pausch - everyone from Shakespeare to Beethoven to Adorno to ... to Pausch! And, of course, Said.
Facing one's end is to detach from place and time. It is a rejection of what everyone else strives for. And yet in that rejection is discovery. It is finding meaning in a place that is different from where you thought you were headed. Maybe you didn't want it, or expect it, but here you are - it is resignation and fulfillment at the same time.
It is facing exile, and in exile discovering a whole new world.
Hey everyone. I think it is cool that you all are still hanging out here and shootin' the breeze. Feel at home and post away. Don't consider it a hijack, because now there is an open invitation.
I was on call Friday, but actually spent the night at The Cottage ;-) ... Then spent the rest of the weekend together. SD is with her father so it has been just the two of us for the first time since unD-Day. I'm back at The Villa and taking care of a few things around the house. The weekend has been fantastic, and we are getting along better than I could have imagined. I keep telling her that my mind just can't believe where we are compared to where I thought we were going to be at this point. Without gushing too much more, I just feel like I am the luckiest man around being given a second chance to make things right.
W constantly talks about about "us" and "we" now and talks about our past mostly in the context of how we can use what has happened with us to make sure we have a better future. OM is completely out, and I know for a fact she hasn't had any contact with him since we have been joined at the hip these last few days. No secret time with her laptop behind a closed door anymore. Everything is very much out in the open and she is getting more and more comfortable talking to me about him, and I am getting more and more confident that he is not an issue.
So that is the gist of what is going on. If I have time later today, I'll fill in some of the details. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I won't wake up from this dream.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
