Is it true?

[stella_k]

Keep walking Stellitsa mou (why don't you join us in the alternate universe, do you have Jen's email?)

nope :(. By the time I've decided I want to send a private message or two, it was too late, all the addresses were gone.

[addie]

Hi Stella- I'm sorry your friend's phone call upset you so. You must remember that although our friends mean well, most do not understand what we are doing to stand for our M. I have one close friend that now knows my whole story and has been a tremendous support but all my other friends would think I was absolutely crazy putting up with all that I have if they knew.
You have come this far and are now getting ready to move back to hometown with H. He is probably not completely out of the tunnel and will need your support to help him fully emerge. This will take a lot of patience on your part. Please prepare yourself ahead of time.
We will continue to be here for you.

[stella_k]

I guess I deserve some 2x4s.

I called H, we spoke for a while about his project, D's ticket, D's college, well, usual.
Then, out of the blue, I asked him about OW.

Me: Can you tell me what's happening?
H: Nothing much, still the same (mumbling)
Me: You can tell me, you know. Nothing can be worse then imagining things.
H: Don't imagine things.
Me: So what's happening?
H: I don't know.
Me: Did you change your mind then?
H: No, I didn't (firmly).
Me: What are you doing about it then?
H: I'm trying to stay at home and work all the time (it is true, every time I call he's at home)
Me: Well, tell me something nice at least.
H repeats my pet name several times, sounds awkward and emotionless.

That was it. He just doesn't know again. He doesn't want to lie but he doesn't know what to tell me. I was quiet and friendly throughout the convo, but I was trying to get him to say ILY and he obviously didn't want to. He just didn't know what to say.
When he's with me, he loves me. When he's with her, he loves her.
He chose to be with me, but in his heart he's not sure that's what he really wants. The question is: Do I want him like that?

I know I was supposed to be still and I blew it again. I just don't think I can take any more of "I dont know"s. I feel like I'm hanging in limbo forever and it's never going to end.

The scariest part - I think I'm one of those who keep standing and waiting and never let go. I don't want to GAL, I'm not interested in anything, I cannot read, I HATE going out. And I cannot imagine myself with another man, ever.

Everything seems quite hopeless at the moment.

Addie, you posted while I was writing!
I wish I could take your advice and be patient...

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

First, {{{{{Stella}}}}}

Now the 2x4's

Why are you baiting him with conversations like that? Are you a glutton for punishment? Come'on, sweetie, you are both in a difficult place, many many many miles away from each other, and it is obvious that H needs your strength to bolster him. you keep setting him up to disappoint you, making you feel bad and him guilty. Gtranyed, yes, he should feel guilt, but he HAS to come to it on his own realization, not by you leading him to it. It won't have the same effect.

YOU CAN DO THIS!! When you feel like calling him, come on here. We will keep you straight! I am prepping my spider stomping shoes in case you need backup when you get back to the states.

SMW

[stella_k]

Oh, (((((SMW))))), you're so right. .

I have no idea, why I'm still doing this.

Now I'm trying to lock this embarassing thread, so that I could start a fresh one. New thread, new stella. LOL.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

{{{{Stella}}}}}

Here, use this as inspiration for your new thread---

New Attitude

[stella_k]

Thanks, ((((SMW)))),

but I cannot see it . Utube doesn't work here. Sigh.

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Darn it! Oh well, Stella. It was the old Patti LaBelle song from teh 80s.

SMW

[JenInVen]

Hi Stella first of all Don't ask questions that you don't want to know the answers to right? Second of all hang in there and push through this. Third come on over to the other side (FB) and look for the "Sunshine" you'll find the "Waye" :). Fourth to lock a thread hit "notify and ask the mods to lock your thread. I've done that 2X now at least.

How many more days hun?

PS Addie has my email

[addie]

Addie, you posted while I was writing!
I wish I could take your advice and be patient...

Oh Stella, it is so much easier to give advice than to actually follow through with it. I myself have been very impatient the last several weeks as my H goes through the same thing. The withdrawal from OW takes a long time. Whenever the WAS makes contact with the OP it is back to square one in the withdrawal process. Your H may not be strong enough to end contact until you are back with him.
How much longer til your move?