random Dommage

[Dom R]

A random thought, triggered by Ann25's thread, and her questions on how to get her husband to do stuff...

My thoughts on something that makes marriages go well:
I think a lot of it, is being responsive to your spouses needs,and them to yours.

In some extreme cases, some women are advised to throw tantrums more. Scream more. Get really pushy/nasty. Because their H "wont respect them if they arent strong".

I dont think that's always the case.
Which is a good thing, because some people just arent up to the yelling and screaming.
I think that sometimes, their H would respond to being vulnerable just as well as, or maybe even better than, being "strong".



1. I think that if someone is really really lucky, they find someone who responds well to them... and understands their own way of communicating, "this is really important to me". Whether that be crying, or screaming, or whatever it may be.

2. I think that someone who is less lucky, gets blessed by their spouse eventually understanding better than earlier in their marriage, when things are really important to them.

3. I think that someone who has no luck, but a whole lot of determination, chooses to change the way they communicate, so that their spouse finally understands what is important to them, and acts accordingly.

4. And finally, I think that if the other person fully understands how important something is, but still does nothing, then they almost deserve to be divorced.

The sad thing is, I think that most divorces arise from people who are only failing to succeed at #2, above. They THINK they are at #4, and the other person "just doesnt care"... and so either file D directly, or get involved in things that lead to a D... but they are mistaken, and never even got to #3.

Certainly not the case with all marriages. But I know that was the case with my marriage. I really did not understand how important some things were to my wife, or I would have changed.
I do better understand it now, hence why I am different now.
(and still looking to improve )

It seems unfathomable that I could not understand it at the time... but I did not.
Rather sad, that. For me, and for others who go through that level of misunderstanding also.