Gonna attempt short again \:\)

For me, i don't consider it an excuse so much as a reason if the other thing takes priority.
Agreed. except when you lie to yourself about priorities.
then it becomes an excuse again.
Avoiding confronting your husband about not helping you do something, and doing it youself, because its "more important to get it done"... is usually an excuse. an avoidance tactic excuse.

In this case, the long-term priority of your husband helping you more, is probably more important than the short term one.


I think this is an area of my confusion. How do i have a choice in letting him nap. If he says, "i'm going to go take a nap" do i say no? or when i go to wake him up and he says he needs more sleep, do i say "no" at that point, aren't i taking mother role and not wife? I'm not arguing the point, just looking to better understand.

There's a fine line between mother and wife. Sometimes, you need to tell your child they have to do something. Sometimes, you need to tell your husband he has to do something.
Ideally, if your H does not act like a child, then you dont talk to him like a child. (but if he does, then do so ;\) )

Maybe it helps to keep in mind what is important at the time. The important thing at that time, was not "he's not allowed to take a nap". The important thing is that you needed help, RIGHT THEN.
So, you might have focused on the "get up and help me now", rather than the nap/no nap issue.

Last night, i asked him if he'd like to take a break from whatever he was doing and come down and have dessert with me and Ds. He asked if i needed him to come and I said no, that i'd just like to spend some time with him. He said he'd really rather finish what he was doing.

At some point, I suspect you will have to start putting it in terms of "yes, I need you to come spend time with me" sometimes. And, ya know what... that can be a good thing, actually. A man usually likes to be needed. And appreciated, if he does come down and do what you ask.


ummmm... that sounds like a nice idea. not sure how to get him to do "his chores"

By getting him to fully agree to what chores he will do from now on.
Then.... nag, i'm afraid. And/or start coming up with consequences if he doesnt follow through with his part of things.


no suggestions on the girls/discipline isue, i'm afraid.
(Hmm.. i was ALMOST short ;\) )


Last edited by Dom R; 07/25/08 10:27 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle