Hi, I have to say amen to what the women have told you. I have been married to the same man for over 42 years, so I will have to think back to when I was about the age of your wife. I remember begging my H to "talk" to me b/c that was what I needed at the end of the day. We had no friends and never went anywhere except to his mother's house and see his relatives. I had a small child like you do. My H never talked. He didn't talk about his day, nor he didn't talk about people, nor he didn't talk about us. He didn't talk! Well, that was my LL--was intimate, meaningful conversation! So, I went for a long time without any of that. So, I remember the first public part-time job I got through the Christmas season......and I developed a crush on a married man. Thank goodness, the job nor the crush lasted very long. I even told my H about the crush, thinking it would wake him up....but it didn't change things. The fact of the matter was that he simply did not know how to give me what I needed emotionally. So, I finally left him for all of one week. During that week, our baby got very sick and I was told it was God punishing me for leaving my H and was guilt ridden into going back to him. So, I stayed with him all these years. However, he still never gave me what I needed emotionally. I tried to fill my life with other things to take up the void I felt. Then I started having physical problems that prevented me from doing the things I always had been able to do and was basically shut down in the evenings after work. Plus, I had become so bored and so lonely (which is too long of a story to get into), but I became involved in a EA with a man on-line. Yeah, I know, sounds gross, doesn't it? But, no matter what age you are, you still have emotional needs that you want to have met.
So, the point I am tring to make here is this......I believe as long as a woman's emotional needs are being met by the man she loves....she will not leave him (unless he is preverted, abusive, or something like that).
If you have ever studied the arthor of marriage builders, you will learn that as long as we make more love deposits in our S's love bank, than we make withdrawals, then we are okay. But, when we start withdrawing from the love bank without ever depositing anything....it will eventually run dry. Makes sense, doesn't it? So, maybe you have done that, or maybe you haven't met her emotional needs. Do you know what her emotional need is? In other words, do you know what her love language is? So many H's don't know. I tried to tell my H for years, but it was like he didn't hear me. Finally, so much distance had grown between us that he didn't even realize I was having an EA with another man for a while.
I don't mean to blame everyone's problems on depression, but she could very well be depressed and trying to figure out what it is she needs to make her happy. I went through that too. I was depressed a long time after my first baby was born. I didn't realize a woman could have it for years. Her hormones could be out of whack or any number of things like that. Not trying to defend what she has done, just throwing thoughts out there.
Well, you know your W is having an A. So, have you read the DB book by Michelle? If not....that is top priority! Get it ASAP! That is your best bet in saving your M. While you are waiting.....read everything you can here on the boards.
Good luck to you. Keep reading and posting. The more you do, the more response you will get.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
