Hi Ann, OK I'm going to change. I'll be tough and to the point, here goes ...
fb2,
I had just written a long email to Ann, that was already "tough and to the point". She didnt need more of the same. That just made her feel set-upon, and overwhelmed. Plus, it diluted the points I was trying to make to Ann, to where I think she has now missed them.
How about easing up for a while? You suggested that Ann talk to forrestgump, for more 2x4-age. But I dont think that's what she needs. if once doesnt get someone's attention, then more, is just going to be bruising, not helpful.
i agree and that is basically what happened. Luckily, i get over things quickly... no harm done.
Since i am trying and really do want to see positive changes and don't want to be a martyr... can you help...
I feel like i don't know how to expect him to be a grown up and expect him to be a man if i'm treating him like a child. If i'm telling him what he can and can't do, how is that making him grow up, isn't that just more of the same?
Also, there have been a couple times when i've brought up the fact that he said he'd make an effort to change. He continues with the excuses that i don't want to be accepting. So, how long do i accept his, "i will" and other excuses before I start just doing my own thing. I guess i already kinda am... we haven't had dinner together in a week. The girls and i go into their room and read books and color and stuff, but we don't see him. I go to bed when i'm tired and i don't wait for him... Should i be giving him more time to try or do i just keep going and see if he even notices.
i'm going to reread your other post and respond, just to be sure i don't miss your point, cause i probably did!
Thanks!! ann
{{{ann}}}
You sound very frustrated, this can all be so draining on ones mind. Some times it makes you feel like your spinning your wheels getting no where can totally empathize. Doesn't help that you are spread pretty thin with work, school, kids and very little sleep. If you don't get sleep you can't process clearly as I'm sure you know, I think that should be a priority before you crash.
I will try and answer your 3 questions:
1. An excuse is something that is said to cover ones tracks and to get them out of trouble for the time.
A reason is somthing that is said to explain why a certain event happened and to be able to accept ones mistake and take responsibility for it.
2. How to get him to grow up...
My thought here is the same as I would do with one of my kids, if something is done wrong then there are consequences for it and they must be enforced in order for growth to take place.
3. I guess the best way to answer your 3rd question, is this way if we 'expect' someone to do something aren't we just setting the situation up to fail? If we don't 'expect' something then there is no true disappointment.
Of course this is just my perception of the questions asked so break it down to what you can get from it.
no harm done.
