Eric This thread has been dead so long, how did you find it?
Sorry you are here. In a way I agree with some of the things you said, but somehow it sounds bitter as it came out of you. One thing that, through all of this, I have never felt is any bitterness towards my wife.
I still blame myself for the situation I am in and know that may not be the best thing to do, but I also know what I put my wife through for a lot of years. It takes two, I know, but other than her not saying anything or protesting enough to really get my attention, I have a very hard time faulting her for anything.
You are right about not being able to control your wife's actions, and it is only now, after almost 4 months, that is finally starting to sink in. I still try in some subtle ways, I think, but my goal now is to back off and see where things go.
For me, it is important to believe that she still loves me and is conflicted about what she really wants. My goal now is to believe that AND let her go at the same time, and continue to show that unconditional love that she never had from me.
You know, everyone says detach, let them go, get better for yourself not your spouse. Ultimately that is best for us and I believe someday it will make me a better person and get me through this....but really think about that for a moment.
In my heart and mind, everything I do, whether it is for me or not, revolves around one thing....having my wife tell me she wants to work on our marriage.
You GAL for yourself for your own well being...and so that your spouse sees you change and become a better person...happier, more rounded.
You detach for your sanity and own well being......and so that your spouse has space to breath, think and hopefully miss you.
You love them unconditionally because you did not before....and you want them to know that when they come back they will have the freedom they did not have before to be themselves, and still have your love.
