Too late for DB for us, #9 (was in separated)

[cw68]

Hi all. Just checking in. Things really had not been going well for the past few weeks. I was really angry. Then H got angry at me and has been acting like the biggest baby! That HE needed space from me. Friends say it's because he/our relationship isn't my focus anymore and he misses and expects that attention.

I'm so done it's amazing. My H isn't half of the man I married. I went away last weekend and came home Sunday evening really excited to see my kids. They weren't here. Called H, he was planning on having them for the night without even talking to me about it! "Well, I had them Sunday night the last weekend I had them, I just thought that was the plan from now on." I reminded him that that weekend was the weekend after my NYC trip and a holiday weekend. This just pushed me completely over the edge regarding our R. I was pretty much over it anyway and this just did it.

There's just so much I could be posting about, but can't spend the time. Tomorrow I get my new rental home and will be completely moved out of this house by next Tuesday. The resume is done and I'm starting to send it out. I actually have opened myself up to dating and had a most wonderful date last weekend. After spending most of a year trying to get my own husband to like me, it was very good for the ego to have someone like me and go out of their way to make me feel good. I know, be careful, etc. I understand that. But at the same time, this has been going on for a year. I need to mentally move forward in my heart and not having H be the man in my life is part of that. Not that I have to replace him with another man, but that spot has to be empty of all my H's grips on my soul.

D7 broke her arm yesterday. Not a bad break, but it broke my heart that I didn't get to comfort her last night. Still very angry that my H is taking my kids away from me half the time and taking one of their parents from them 100% of the time. My T says I'll probably never like it and she's right.

Because of this, I know I'll never be able to forgive my H for his actions. I can accept them, and move on, but I am not capable of that forgiveness.