Is it true?

[stella_k]

I guess I deserve some 2x4s.

I called H, we spoke for a while about his project, D's ticket, D's college, well, usual.
Then, out of the blue, I asked him about OW.

Me: Can you tell me what's happening?
H: Nothing much, still the same (mumbling)
Me: You can tell me, you know. Nothing can be worse then imagining things.
H: Don't imagine things.
Me: So what's happening?
H: I don't know.
Me: Did you change your mind then?
H: No, I didn't (firmly).
Me: What are you doing about it then?
H: I'm trying to stay at home and work all the time (it is true, every time I call he's at home)
Me: Well, tell me something nice at least.
H repeats my pet name several times, sounds awkward and emotionless.

That was it. He just doesn't know again. He doesn't want to lie but he doesn't know what to tell me. I was quiet and friendly throughout the convo, but I was trying to get him to say ILY and he obviously didn't want to. He just didn't know what to say.
When he's with me, he loves me. When he's with her, he loves her.
He chose to be with me, but in his heart he's not sure that's what he really wants. The question is: Do I want him like that?

I know I was supposed to be still and I blew it again. I just don't think I can take any more of "I dont know"s. I feel like I'm hanging in limbo forever and it's never going to end.

The scariest part - I think I'm one of those who keep standing and waiting and never let go. I don't want to GAL, I'm not interested in anything, I cannot read, I HATE going out. And I cannot imagine myself with another man, ever.

Everything seems quite hopeless at the moment.

Addie, you posted while I was writing!
I wish I could take your advice and be patient...