Alien invasion 3.0

[hoosiermama]

An email this morning from H:
"My need to have my own home is more than for my comfort. It is also about D’s needs. an option is for her to always “visit” me –that is, be a visitor with me – and another (preferable option) is to create a home for her with me as she has a home for her with you. She could have her stuff there with me and feel like it was her home, too and not a visitor.

I know it is hard to see me beyond the negative lens that you usually see me through. I also know that you are grieving. I am grieving, too and we are in different places along that path.

I support the idea of mediators and was going to suggest that. I’m glad you also suggested this option. When we file, I believe there is an option to do so, together, rather than “serving” papers."

I replied that I cannot in good conscience consider a joint filing. I may have no options about this D going forward once it is filed, but I absolutely will not be a part of initiating it.

He doesn't want to be seen in any way as the "bad guy." If we filed jointly or if he makes me angry enough to file myself, he can say--well, she wants a divorce and I'm just going along with it. Absolutely not. I will also not want to tell D that I had any part in formally ending this family, except to do my best to keep our heads above water emotionally and financially.

And he's grieving too? The difference is that it's his choice and I'm left to pick up the pieces and have been powerless about the future of my family. Is he even actually trying to get my sympathy for his grief?! And that negative lens thing--this from the man who is blaming everything on me and claiming our entire marriage was a miserable mistake.