Ken's situation - Live-in WAW

[steady]

Thanks MFT. I forgot to even look at the wedding as a trigger. I think it's a combination of the wedding, Tuesday was the 10th anniversary of my fathers death (he was my hero and I watched him die of cancer, he died in my brothers house where I am staying in the same room he died in) plus not talking to her yesterday at all.

I do exercise. I went to the gym last night and lifted. I probably should go to the gym and take a run on the treadmill to get rid of the nervouse energy. Not should, I'm going to. I have about 4 hours before the wedding.

I got a haircut, had my suit cleaned, and am planning to look great. Just need to get the internals to a point where I am balanced and centered and confident in myself.

Two things my wife has said in the past few weeks. When I first went on Lexapro for anxiety it worked for about 2 weeks. She commented to the MC that I was 'more confident', and a thing she said last week was that I 'had an air aboout yourself' - these are hints as to what she wants to feel from me.

I'm just trying to work on getting these things back into my internal feelings. Instead of the desperation she definitely can't stand.

My goals for today:

1. Get rid of the anxiety
2. Focus on me and not on her
3. Let go of the sitch
4. No negative projections
5. Have fun at the wedding with no expectations

I love these boards. So many good people giving so much of themselves to help others, even though every one of us is going through probably the most difficult times in our lives.

Thanks again everyone.