Thanks for checking in Peaceful. I've missed you girl! And I'm hanging tight for sure.
I agree--we are each different people with our own strengths and weaknesses, and sharing feelings isn't H's strength. Neither is the spiritual thing from my perspective...but each day is a new day and I'm exercising as much faith on his behalf as I can muster. God can and will change his heart when the time is right and H allows it.
Thanks for your thought Login. I think H's feelings are behind his actions, and if his actions are positive (which they have been more and more lately), then his feelings must be positive.
Quote:
You have to know yourself, and really know what you need and why, not just think you need.
Well said--this is something to really think about.
Go with what seems to be working and use the knowledge of what you have learned to avoid any future "bad experiences". Work on the love languages and the listening skills. If he is receptive, you should see some good outcome. Regardless of what has happen for me, I know what we learn here works. In my sitch, those who are dead set against rebuilding, will make sure nothing succeeds.
To me it seems this is not the case in your sitch. Take heart in this and stay strong and focused.
Hi Aud! Just checking in, and wishing you an awesome summer! I am leaving for Portland, OR, tomorrow to visit H with D15. Just for a few days. Finally, the sun has shown it's face! It's been a long winter here.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Aud, Just checking in as well. I feel nourished after bobbing my head and soaking my body in the sun on a mountain lake. $10.00 for an air mattress and I feel much better than I paid 10 times that for a psych....hmmm...anyway...I hope your are enjoying your summer as well...peace
Summer...it finally came, and it's been pretty much the same as spring, only warmer. I'm swamped with kids, driving D6 to music lessons and summer activities, work, house, same old stuff. Can't say it's exciting, but it's sure a lot nicer than living in crisis mode. I'm also fighting with a sleep disorder...tired so much, and often frustrated with how much I need and want to do and the inability to keep my rear in gear.
On the M front, things are good. He's home and involved, does very little travel for work, seems happy. I think he still has some text/email/phone contact with OW, but I choose not to freak out over it...she is in a R, lives 12 hours away and his current actions indicate sincere investment in our family--that was definitely not the case before. I wish he were more open with me, he knows how I feel about it. But that's 'just not him.' I don't want to be harping on him, constantly dragging it out. So I let it go for now and watch him closely. I don't know if I'll ever trust him in that regard...but I don't agonize over it anymore.
We share physical intimacy, limited emotional intimacy, very little spiritual intimacy. I've struggled with that a bit, but have decided that overall, things are good enough that I can accept what he's willing to offer and leave the rest up to God. I'm happy. I'm blessed. And I'm still learning and working on myself.
That's the best track. Be thankful that at least he is willing to put in the effort. Time and lack of contact will put OW further and further in the distance. He has to choose how far he will emotionally re-attach to you. Hopefully he is starting to realize what he might loose and be man enough to work on it.
For now, pray hard and live with the blessings you do have. It might not be ideal, but at least his efforts seem to be headed in the right direction. I get the impression from you that at least his heart seems to be pointed in the right direction too.
I've been catching myself fussing over old stuff lately--dreams about H cheating, wondering how I compare to OW, almost wanting to ask...but knowing that I won't trust his answers.
I keep reminding myself that he's here, seems happy, and we're getting along just fine. No need to drag up old stuff and put him in a sitch where he'll either lie or tell the truth, but I won't really believe him regardless of his answer. Because I won't.
The hurt is mostly gone. I don't feel it when I think about these things, it's mostly curiosity and a desire to make sure I don't contribute to us ever going there again. And a need for reassurance. I guess that even though it doesn't hurt as much, there's still some fear left.
But I have learned that actions speak louder than words, that I have all the assurance I need. Just need to stop looking at the scary things and keep going forward.
Go and make this a awesome evening. Start something, take the lead, make sure he knows how important he is to you. You'll be gaining ground in your R and OW will become more and more irrelevant. Focusing your energies on OW will make you less happy, distract you from what needs to be your focus, which leads to an overall negative outcome. Just don't focus in that direction.
Work on new "memorable" experiences. Push the past further back and off the radar. It looks like he's willing and looking forward to a positive future with you, don't kill it.
You are an honourable, loyal wife, Aud! OW can't say that, can she? So, who should be comparing who, I ask?
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
he is to you. You'll be gaining ground in your R and OW will become more and more irrelevant. Focusing your energies on OW will make you less happy, distract you from what needs to be your focus, which leads to an overall negative outcome. Just don't focus in that direction.