and Phil - you seem to still be very focused on her and how she SHOULD fix herself.
Well she's not right now. So you have to stand up, be a mother and father to your children. You have to have all sides - the disciplinarian and the nurturer. Children crave limits. They need them. It lets them know they are loved. If she won't enforce limits when she has them, you must when you do.
The schedule thing - did that get resolved?
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
