Counseling or not when there's infidelity?

[lovehopefaith]

When I found out about my H's online women (he's on number 3 now in the Second Life game but he talks to them on the phone too), it was a complete shock. He told me he had been unhappy for year -- a blatent lie, in my opinion -- and listed all the things I had done to make him miserable and how he knew I would never change. I told him if he was to live in our house he'd have to go to counseling. Since he wanted a "separation" (he has never uttered the D word although I know it's likely in his head), he agreed to MC only for the sake of our daughter, to "transition" her.

So we went to one session, after which I decided the C would be my IC. The MC session was basically useless other than the fact the C heard my H's side of it and declared he was likely depressed and did tell him that if he thinks he doesn't love me that people can fall back in love again.

Needless to say, that was about 6 weeks ago. H has agreed to more MC but only because I told him he'd have to go. After going to IC for a few sessions, reading DR and taking in the situation, both the IC and myself agreed that going to MC should be when he is "ready," not because I want it. She and I believe it is best not to "push" him into it. He asked me a while ago if I scheduled a session for us but I told him I wasn't ready yet. I don't think he asked because he "wanted" to go.

I know he "agreed" to go because I kind of "made" him, but I truly think going now -- when he is so wrapped up in the online OW -- would be useless. It would just end up in D, I know it. And I'm not ready for that either.

So my plan is to make myself stronger, go to IC, get my own emotional issues in order and make some changes, and DB my butt off. Maybe in a month or two I might be ready to go approach MC with him and be able to handle the pain I know he's going to inflict on me in it. Plus I need to find the "right" C to encourage marriage, not D. And I'm worried about that as well.

I don't think MC is the answer ALL THE TIME when a OP is involved. I think it can backfire if the other person is not ready for change. If I were to drag my H to MC right now, and mention the OW, he would feel trapped and pressured and likely the C would ask him to give her up and he won't do that right now.

My hope is that the "excitement" of this current OW will wear off and he will be able to see what is right in front of him, or maybe accept working on the marriage. If not, then hopefully I will be stronger to get through the MC process.