Who's ok symentic take a pill. I couldn't understand what you said because the grammar wasn't good.
Who's you read it wrong too. That was the pig girl saying she was happy about having a roof over her head and her kids were fed.
Pig girls says,"Yes I'm happy. I have a roof over my head and my kids eat."
Hmmm, yes I argue with everyone on this board, because they read things wrong. I apologize because I haven't mastered the art of punctuation when quoting people. I will try and do a better job. Why am I focusing on trying to correct misinterpretation. Constantly in my life.
Phil, I have no idea what you're saying sometimes. I'm not being passive-aggressive or nit-picky. The first sentence in the quoted section makes no sense at all. How ironic that you followed that sentence with a criticism of my grammar.
And you argue with everyone because they read wrong? We do the best we can with what we got, Phil, and sometimes what you give us is quite unclear. Hence the missed reference to "pig girl."
Phil, do you see a pattern here? It's always everyone else's fault! We read wrong? How about sometimes you write incoherently? Does this ever happen in your interactions with your wife--you blame her because she didn't read your mind or you were unclear? This is why I bring this up, Phil--there are skills to be learned here that could transfer easily to your marriage communication.
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Who's I see why you have problems with your staff. You have an always right attitude too. Admit your wrong to your staff.
Oh neener neener neener. This is an example of hauling in baggage from old conversations with intent to cause emotional damage. Also an example of immaturity. Not an effective way to communicate with one's spouse or build intimacy.
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You are right you have become a big distraction. Can we focus on something else. Repeat that ten times.
Just flat-out disrespectful. It makes you look way worse than you think you're making me look. It's an example of twisting words around, arrogance, and immaturity. Man up, Phil, if you want to get your marriage back. Think about learning to communicate more effectively and in a way that demonstrates that you love her, not that you're superior or you need to give her "tit-for-tat." As you have mentioned, that doesn't get you anywhere you want to go toward reconciliation in your marriage.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Had an interaction with a female today and I let go off on me. I smiled and said I'm sorry. Old Phil probally would have grabbed her an put her in an ice bucket. Story isn't important. When she saw she wasn't getting a rise out of me she walked away.
When I came home. I did the weedhacker and cut the grass. I got a text from the wife at quarter to 9. Where r u? I don't respond back. Continue on the rider. I'm always at peace on the rider.
She shows up 15 minutes later in the driveway. I wave to them, but I only have a row left so I turn around and finish it.
Wife rolls down window of sons back window. He whines something about wanting to go get ice cream at the shop she works at. I said well tell your mother to take you she works there. Wife starts spouting off something. Tell her I can't hear her. She puts down her window. She says son wants you to take him over the ice cream shop. I said you can take him you work there. She says well I look and feel like sh|t. I just yell her name.
She says something else about house. Unintelligent. Then she leaves and doesn't look to happy.
I decide to leave. I go over to the Church and just sit under an oak tree. Pray.
Why did I yell her name?
More favors she wanted. More favors me no give. Kid bait.
Ok, why didn't she text. Son wants you to take him to ice cream. Can I drop him off.
No i get the where r u? And an unannounced pop in.
Yes, partly I failed here because it was another opportunity to coparent. However I do believe in the proper procedure. I asked her not to do the unannounced pop in.
Well I was already miffed. Neighbor told me she was here today in the afternoon and cleaned me out. Took a table and a lawn chair. Well it wasn't a table it was the mattress board after all.
I was going to smash the thing and put it in the garbage. Tonight is garbage night.
Well it wasn't a table it was the mattress board after all.
I was going to smash the thing and put it in the garbage. Tonight is garbage night.
You said she could have it, what's your beef?
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I got a text from the wife at quarter to 9. Where r u? I don't respond back. Continue on the rider. I'm always at peace on the rider.
How old is your son again Phil? You are allowing him to have ice cream after 9 pm at night and wondering why he is up all hours of the night?
Again Phil, you and your wife need to take a hard look at the damage that you are causing these kids by not being responsible parents. Y'all have your own issues, your kids need parents.
My beef. I had to have all this drama over the dang mattress board. I don't want it is dirty. Then she takes it anyway. I want the beds. I'm not taking them, because you will cry. Ok. Go buy them I'll pay for them just give me a receipt. Can you pick up the beds with your truck she'll pay for them. It never ends goes in a circle.
No different then the time we were dating and she needed high heels. First store had them. Well lets look around two hours later and 50 stores later looking at every single shoe. She bought the shoes she saw at the first store. I should have ran then.
Of course I wouldn't give my son ice cream after 9. However anything goes with her always did. They can eat whenever they want. Go to bed when ever they want. Never disciplined only by her. When she would come to her wits end at the end of the night she would ask me to get involved. When I did she would say leave them alone. I'm you just asked me to discipline them.
You see it makes her look like the best buddy, daddy is the mean one. I would call her the big eraser. She would ask me to discipline them and I would. Then she would say ok do what you want kids daddy didn't mean it.
When these kids are with me. I don't have problems with them. I nip them the bud fast.
No Ian, she is causing the damage and always has.
They stay up late. They do what they want. They push her buttons constantly. She screams at them and they laugh in her face. She created this mess.
Another thing she also uses poor language behavior around the kids. I would always ask her not to do that, but she did it anyway.
I'm telling you what. When them kids are just with me. They are angels. If they step past the line, I'm firm and discipline promptly. I don't have to ask them twice to do something. Go brush your teeth.
Their mother would ask them twenty times and they still would not listen.
Ian, I'm really really screwed here with everything. I'm not going to change her parenting behavior. I'm not going to change her behavior on our relationship.
It's easy for you to look at the problem from your perspective.
Everytime I get these kids now. I have to immediately deprogram their behavior and how they talk to me.
I have a rug in my great room. If they are out of line they stand on one of the squares.
Now I think I already told this story. They hate standing on the square and it may only be a couple of minutes. Then I ask them if they want to stand on a square all day. They say no and then start behaving.
Now please... She is using these kids to get to me. Showing up here unannounced. She is exhausted because those kids will were you down if you let them. She always lets them.
I told you she went from a devoted mother to a woman that doesn't even want to be around the kids.
Well she created them as monsters. I believe I handle the problems with the children properly. She does not and never has. She waited on them hand and foot and now she wonders why they can't get their own drinks or snacks. Then they constantly want to eat something and something different. She ran it like a resturant. Her justification was that the kids will never go to bed hungry because they want to eat late. She remembers as a kid going to bed hungry because her parents would not let them eat something late.
Well if you eat properly during the day then you don't need to eat late, but she doesn't grasp that concept.
Amy started something with that with me about our parents. Her parents formed her into the opinions she has today. I went to bed hungry so I'll never let that happen to my kids.
Then she wonders why she was so exhausted at the end of the day and then our son would be crying that he was hungry.
I think the first three years the woman didn't even sleep because our son constantly wanted his milk in the middle of the night. Even in periods of his toddler stage where he shouldn't have been drinking milk in the middle of the night.
It was easier for her to just give him the milk then to hear him cry. Breaking them of the pacifier. WHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOSHH! Don't get me started. I didn't sleep for two weeks.
If I would point out something I thought would work better she would say. Don't tell me how to be a mother, I am a good mom.
Ok... whatever... The woman has issues. Remember I said part of me doesn't want her to come back, because there is no way she can act the way she did. Well now it is becoming a big part of me.
We all parent differently. They don't come with manauls. Some of us do a better job then others. I mean we would look at some of our other friends and be like they are so goofy at what they do. They looked at us and most likely say the same thing.
My perception from reading many of your posts is it's still all about her. It's about her parenting skills (or lack of in your opinion), about how you're better than her with x,y and z.
It could be just where you're at in this cycle but I'm thinking probably not.
Just a thought.
Originally Posted By: LostPhil
Ian,
My beef. I had to have all this drama over the dang mattress board. I don't want it is dirty. Then she takes it anyway. I want the beds. I'm not taking them, because you will cry. Ok. Go buy them I'll pay for them just give me a receipt. Can you pick up the beds with your truck she'll pay for them. It never ends goes in a circle.
No different then the time we were dating and she needed high heels. First store had them. Well lets look around two hours later and 50 stores later looking at every single shoe. She bought the shoes she saw at the first store. I should have ran then.
Of course I wouldn't give my son ice cream after 9. However anything goes with her always did. They can eat whenever they want. Go to bed when ever they want. Never disciplined only by her. When she would come to her wits end at the end of the night she would ask me to get involved. When I did she would say leave them alone. I'm you just asked me to discipline them.
You see it makes her look like the best buddy, daddy is the mean one. I would call her the big eraser. She would ask me to discipline them and I would. Then she would say ok do what you want kids daddy didn't mean it.
When these kids are with me. I don't have problems with them. I nip them the bud fast.
No Ian, she is causing the damage and always has.
They stay up late. They do what they want. They push her buttons constantly. She screams at them and they laugh in her face. She created this mess.
Another thing she also uses poor language behavior around the kids. I would always ask her not to do that, but she did it anyway.
I'm telling you what. When them kids are just with me. They are angels. If they step past the line, I'm firm and discipline promptly. I don't have to ask them twice to do something. Go brush your teeth.
Their mother would ask them twenty times and they still would not listen.
Ian, I'm really really screwed here with everything. I'm not going to change her parenting behavior. I'm not going to change her behavior on our relationship.
It's easy for you to look at the problem from your perspective.
Everytime I get these kids now. I have to immediately deprogram their behavior and how they talk to me.
I have a rug in my great room. If they are out of line they stand on one of the squares.
Now I think I already told this story. They hate standing on the square and it may only be a couple of minutes. Then I ask them if they want to stand on a square all day. They say no and then start behaving.
Now please... She is using these kids to get to me. Showing up here unannounced. She is exhausted because those kids will were you down if you let them. She always lets them.
I told you she went from a devoted mother to a woman that doesn't even want to be around the kids.
Well she created them as monsters. I believe I handle the problems with the children properly. She does not and never has. She waited on them hand and foot and now she wonders why they can't get their own drinks or snacks. Then they constantly want to eat something and something different. She ran it like a resturant. Her justification was that the kids will never go to bed hungry because they want to eat late. She remembers as a kid going to bed hungry because her parents would not let them eat something late.
Well if you eat properly during the day then you don't need to eat late, but she doesn't grasp that concept.
Amy started something with that with me about our parents. Her parents formed her into the opinions she has today. I went to bed hungry so I'll never let that happen to my kids.
Then she wonders why she was so exhausted at the end of the day and then our son would be crying that he was hungry.
I think the first three years the woman didn't even sleep because our son constantly wanted his milk in the middle of the night. Even in periods of his toddler stage where he shouldn't have been drinking milk in the middle of the night.
It was easier for her to just give him the milk then to hear him cry. Breaking them of the pacifier. WHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOSHH! Don't get me started. I didn't sleep for two weeks.
If I would point out something I thought would work better she would say. Don't tell me how to be a mother, I am a good mom.
Ok... whatever... The woman has issues. Remember I said part of me doesn't want her to come back, because there is no way she can act the way she did. Well now it is becoming a big part of me.
We all parent differently. They don't come with manauls. Some of us do a better job then others. I mean we would look at some of our other friends and be like they are so goofy at what they do. They looked at us and most likely say the same thing.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
I have to confess I haven't read all of your postings, but I have to write to you. Please listen to me. You sound so much like my husband that you scare me.
These kids need both of you. And you think it is more important to be right than to be a good parent and husband.
Your w if a flawed woman, as am I. Look in the mirror, Phil. You are a flawed man, as is my h.
You have such a hard and fast definition of what a father is and does that you are willing to reject the kids and the w and anything else that gets in the way of your way being the only right way.
DAM, are the kids really screwed up? If they are then it is because of the interplay between you AND your w. Your w doesn't get the crown for the most screwed up parent and neither do you.
You sound like a martyr that has had to endure the awful parenting of your w. Its far too easy to blame all the problems of your children on her. Just how hard have you tried to see things from her perspective?
And, what kind of a relationship have you cultivated with your children? They will remember standing on a square of carpet and being disciplined by you, sure, but what else with they remember?
My h also thinks that the mother is supposed to love and coddle and the father is supposed to be the disciplinarian and kick them in the backside.
Do you know what his style of parenting has brought about? We have a 19 year old s that will not even come home right now that doesn't care to see or speak to his father. He never felt he measured up or was good enough for his father. I won't say he hates him, but he's a very long way from liking him in any way.
And my h is now holding this up as an example of how I drove a wedge between them. When the actual truth is that he was so busy disciplining that he never told his son he was proud of him except when he graduated from high school. He can't remember the times when he was younger that his dad would do fun stuff with him, because all he can remember as far back as his memory stretches is his dad being awful to him.
You have a real chance to lose everything here, Phil. You can choose to be alone and angry and RIGHT, and lose everything. You need to seek some kind of help. IC or spiritual guidance or something is absolutely necessary here.
I hope my words touch you, Phil. I hope something that I have said has gotten through, because if it hasn't and you think I'm full of it then you have a very long, sad road ahead of you.
Your wife deserves to be loved. Your children need and deserve your love. No one needs to walk on eggshells every day of their lives and feel they don't measure up.
Do you hear me, Phil?
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Phil, I understand that many of teh parenting issues are with her. So maybe it is time to find a family therapist. get in there and discuss what needs to be done for your kids benefit. You stated:
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They stay up late. They do what they want. They push her buttons constantly. She screams at them and they laugh in her face. She created this mess.
Another thing she also uses poor language behavior around the kids. I would always ask her not to do that, but she did it anyway.
Is this beneficial for your kids...NO, so allthough she is the one doing a piss poor job, you have the ability to correct that. This is what is meant by prioritizing yoru children and protecting them from the devistation of divorce. You as the parent have the ability to protect them. Get them into a therapist. If nothing else, and this whole thing goes south on you, you find yourself in court, a therapist who is working with you will benefit you when it comes to amount of time with your kids.
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Ian, I'm really really screwed here with everything. I'm not going to change her parenting behavior. I'm not going to change her behavior on our relationship.
If she chooses not to change her behaviors, not to do what is best for the kids, and not to set guidelines for them, then you need to step in and take more time with your children for their benefit. You have the opportunity to stop your children from growing up disfunctional, do you step up and protect them or do you continue with the excuse that it is all her fault and you can't do anything about it? Get those kids in therapy and start protecting them as their father.
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No different then the time we were dating and she needed high heels. First store had them. Well lets look around two hours later and 50 stores later looking at every single shoe. She bought the shoes she saw at the first store. I should have ran then.
No, you should have stood your ground then and made a point that if she is going to shop that way, you aren't going with her. In reading about your past Phil, I believe that the statement you made about your kids:
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She created this mess.
Applies to you when it comes to a lot of things with your wife. YOU created this mess by not standing your ground long ago. You allowed certain behaviors to become acceptable. You taught her that it was ok to do these crazy things by giving in. This is what you need to look at. You love to blame her for her behaviors and actions, but you need to instead look at how you contributed to them.
This pattern continues today. You put up with more than you should. You engage her more than is necessary. You are teaching her now that it is ok to act like a bitch and treat you like dirt because you will continue to take it and still be there giving her the kiss on the cheek and saying I love you.
I mean really Phil, if I was her, my thoughts would be why the hell should I change anything? I am getting the benefits without having to do the work and I have no rules or guidelines. I have my cake and can eat it to.
At some point you are going to have to establish boundaries for yourself with her. You are going to have to stop kissing her asss like she rules the world. You are going to have to stop giving her affection when she does nothing to warrant it. IMHO, until you develop some backbone with her, and take charge of yoru life, your situation is likely to stay stagnate and not improve. You could be stuck right where you are now for many years to come. I do not believe that is what you want.
Hang in there Phil, as time goes along you will get a much clearer focus on what is important and what works.
Applies to you when it comes to a lot of things with your wife. YOU created this mess by not standing your ground long ago. You allowed certain behaviors to become acceptable. You taught her that it was ok to do these crazy things by giving in. This is what you need to look at. You love to blame her for her behaviors and actions, but you need to instead look at how you contributed to them.
This pattern continues today. You put up with more than you should. You engage her more than is necessary. You are teaching her now that it is ok to act like a bitch and treat you like dirt because you will continue to take it and still be there giving her the kiss on the cheek and saying I love you.
I mean really Phil, if I was her, my thoughts would be why the hell should I change anything? I am getting the benefits without having to do the work and I have no rules or guidelines. I have my cake and can eat it to.
At some point you are going to have to establish boundaries for yourself with her. You are going to have to stop kissing her asss like she rules the world. You are going to have to stop giving her affection when she does nothing to warrant it. IMHO, until you develop some backbone with her, and take charge of yoru life, your situation is likely to stay stagnate and not improve.
SFA is right Phil. Totally. People here have been saying this to you all the time.
Stop enabling her behaviors. Establish boundaries. You will feel better about things. IF you truly absolutly love this woman, you need to. It's tough love at its finest and worst.
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
