Cmon on up for the Rising on the Lake Erie Shore

[NikB]

Guess we need to be the bigger one and detach better than them.

It's not a competition. Detaching to become emotionally healthy and safe is a great goal for both parties.

[Neilh23]

sorta journaling

the odd thing is that i didn't realize how much we both were badly connected to each other. this detachment thing is just an odd feeling......

it's so fing bizarre. AS i look back on the last couple of weeks....since i told her that i don't want to date anyone else except for her, things have been super better..... i shouldn't read into it, but it's human to do just that. my mind works logically........perhaps i'm nuts. But i think, really think, that since she brought up the fact about dating and i said i dind't want to tdate anyone else.....she liked that.

now the reason i think that is yesterday we were talking about our niece's bday party (my side)..and how my brother and SIL are having a joint party with SIL's little brother for his graduation. She's annoyed. i validated (i actually am too) But then she said "i can only control what i do"........it's hard to explain, but it made sense. perhaps, again, i'm nuts. she always would get annoyed by things my family would do and expect me to do something about it. interesting.

oh, and i got a "bye, babe" from her. :-) good thing.

ah the roller coast of life

[TwinDad]

Neil,

Enjoy the good moments and live those moments......cruise through the down moments. You really are doing well from a third party perspective....it may not feel that way to you but you are doing well. Like Jack said, the roller coaster is all your doing

"i can only control what i do"........

Looks like Mrs Neil knows how to detach. Basically she recognizes that this bothers her and makes a conscience effort to let it roll off her back....i.e. she is not going to let it get to her

[The Wifey]

Neil, Hi dear. I went to see my play last night. It was good but had a sad ending, which I DIDN'T need. Oh well.

This morning is made me so sad that the h couldn't hardly even look into my eyes.

I'm afraid. I have to give him space. I'm going to my sister's tonight again.

[Neilh23]

thanks Twindad. rationally, i know i am doing well, and i've detached ok. emotionally, i still struggle with that knowledge. LOL.

i hate roller coasters...y do i put myself on one? LOL.....
one of these days (this weekend for sure) i need to make my goals more action oriented.

Kjo...its ok to be scared. this is a scary sitch....you are oging to be ok.

[TwinDad]

i hate roller coasters...y do i put myself on one? LOL.....

There will always be some level of rollercoaster in life, make it a kiddie one.....this is within your control

[Neilh23]

yeah, no loop d loops. those make me sick...

i have to say i'm a little sad that i'll be missing her annual family picnic for her dad's bday tommorrow. first time in 10 years...oh well. such is life.

i did call and wish FIL happy birthday. I still feel close to both of them....so its not a big deal.

if i picked up the 5 LL book, does it help? I've been debating whether to get it or not. I see to have trouble thinking of ways to use words of affirmatin for my W.....actually, i don't want to sound redundant by saying "i admire that...." all the time...i've said that's awesome...or that's something you do really well.....i'm not sure if that's affirmation or not...

thoughts?

[ndsmhelp]

I picked it up but still have not found time to read it. I believe that is where the term love tank comes from??

My wifes love tank is surely empty from all the years. I guess from the book you try to figure out what actions or words will fill their tank....what is their "love language?"

W has never taken compliments very well. I tell her often she looks good, or compliment her on something she may have done. She still looks at me like a phony....she never got them before, why now I suppose she is thinking.

[pisces9]

5LL is more good info for you to have....in your arsenal of new info!
words of affirmation will come more naturally...sometimes it is repetitive..sometimes it is just a look in your eyes or a gesture you make....you will know that right timing!

and her dad's arty- she will miss your company- i am sure...so will everyone. that always has a away of working in your favor.

and her saying "bye, babe" is a nice way that she is "lightening" up just a smidge...

you are doing great Neil....PMA!

[Bworl]

Neil, what do you teach and how long you been at it?

I teach JH/HS Math and have been at it for about 13 years now (after a 5 year stretch in the Army). I also coach football on the Junior High level now (because my son is a Junior in HS and playing on fridays - can't miss that).

It's nice having the summer break, but it can definitely open the door to a few too many hours on a place like this, eh?


Bill