my crazy mess part 3...

[christarn]

Thanks Sandy!

My H was with me thru both of my grandmothers deaths in 99, then one year later in 00 my mom died; we seperated for a brief time, and my dad past; as soon as he past, we worked things out and bought our house....here we are!

"But what is it about your H that makes you feel the fear and desparation"

I guess after the past couple actual times we have talked about R/M hearing him say the things he has said, cutting me down, his tone, his anger...that is where the fear is coming in. desperation...i just want the chance to "do work"...i am in no way the "mean angry monster" that i was during the last months of us living together; i held everything inside...he and i were roomates for 6 months then i left and bought a house in a town about 30-40 miles away from him. away from the drama.

"flirting with other men playing games on line, was the beginning of all my trouble in my stitch."

I agree 110%...I was friendly, out going...he hated it...but instead of talking about it and being rational, he just left me in a bar with all of my friends...locked me out of the house, thru all of my clothes out on the deck that were folded in the laundry basket. He also flirted, it was soooo highschool BS/drama/crap. It got old...tit for tat drama crap! TFTDC!!
How to stop the cycle?

"Who do you lean on, Christa?"

My sister, my friends and family...and i pour myself into my work...its the one stable part of my life! I have one friend who calls me every day, she "gets" the DB/marriage restoration ideas and is very spiritual, she's awesome!

the whole therapist/medication thing is kind of new. my primary physican had me on zoloft, when we were at 150mg, she and i agreed it was time to see a psychiatrist, he added abilify at 2mg to slow down my racing over active thougts, i also take xanax and trazadone for sleep...along with 3 others for migraines...i have yet to see the IC, i am new in this practice, and she doesn't have an opening until the 2nd wk of august...so we will see what she chats about!

i will be back to post more...i'm falling asleep while posting...hehehehehe nite nite