Ok, so it feels like dejavu and yet I am ok and I am centered.
I am angry and hurt and I want to get thru this and not blow up.

My H is his own boss and he has crews.. he gets here today and he is pretty much romancing the crew cause you know the worked their a**es off for 2 weeks.

Check..

Well he went to go fishing with them, I'll be right back.

Check...

In good June Cleaver fashion


it is now 11 pm and I call him to see if he is on his way ....
he is at a bar...

Check....

The reason I am so upset?
The drug addict girl and all her friends hang out at this bar... I am 100% sure he isnt "romancing" one of them but that isnt the point....

so it just gets my knickers in a twist.
I know it shouldnt he loves me and I am a grown a** Woman .. but nonetheless my knickers are in a twist!

This is what it makes me feel like...

They are there and they get to enjoy my husbands company and me I am here at home in our bedroom.
I waited 2 weeks to see him and then this?
It says to me sure he has to romance the guys some but now it also looks to everyone and me especially like he could give a rats a** if he romances me?

I dunno , I dont feel like I am overreacting....

and then they gossip about him and he is there like an idiot.. and really more than anything I feel like an idiot...
I dunno it takes me back to a place I dont want to go.

and the arguement this afternoon was over his jealousy and then I brought up that the girl called the other day looking for one of his crew members at midnite and how dare he get jealous over what he was mad about.
That I trusted him and yet I didnt appreciate her behavior.


I am upset and I feel like I want to just back into my shell where it is safe...

I am feeling like on paper this sounds trivial.. I assure you it is not ... too many old bad memories of him going out...

and he does go out on occassion and I am ok with it .. its just that he just got home... couldnt he have spent the nite with me?




I dont really think I am that high or low ( BEAR) it is just that my reaction is still I think in tune with the old him and I want to trust him and then something tells me if you keep giving him an inch he is going to take a mile....
and then I want to keep in tune with the new trusting me and I feel like I like that new calmer me.

Who when he comes home doesnt want to drill him.....

I dunno what I am going to say but I will have to say something...

It makes me feel like they are laughing at me and it hurts.....
to me it is just plain disrespectful!!!!

I want to be above this I really do and I just dont know how to make him understand it is offensive.
He always tells me I love you honey , I respect you.
But to me his actions say otherwise.........
What scares me most is I wont fight for this again. I will not go there again with him...
and I talk in extremes cause he takes me there with his erratic behavior at times............


I know I can only control myself....

am I being a Latina drama queen or is my anger valid.

I mean I know it is valid but someone please tell it to me straight....