Sigh. Yes, it sucks as completely as anything can, IMO.
I'm so sorry that the a-hole stuff gets piled on top of the betrayal. I thought the same thing...that it was a defense mechanism. That doesn't make it any more humane.
I think the turning point for me--as far as working it out on my own--was realizing that the sitch just was what it was...HORRIBLE, awful, but I was still alive, there were still bits of joy to be found in every day, and that acceptance brought with it a measure of peace and personal power. I was able to lay it down a little more each day.
