I think you read me wrong. I take responsibility for the part of the marriage that I had control over. This is not something that I obsess over or anything like that. I just know that I played a part in what my X perceived what was wrong. It was his opinion and I can at least see his point. It's the 2 story thing.
In no way do I take any responsibility for what ended up happening in our marriage. I do not in any way take responsibility for what he did. That was him trying to get a little. That was him making excuses to do just that. It was his way of justifying what he did and in reality there was no justification for it.
What I was trying to say is that in every marriage, we can become a bit complacent and not keep things, I don't know, "full force" maybe? I settled in. I loved being married. But I had a job, and kids, and baseball practice, and laundry, and the house to keep, and bills to pay, and all that stuff that's really normal. And I did not pay enough attention to my X. If I had paid a bit more attention (yeah in my free time - which was nil) but if I had paid a little more, maybe I would have seen the brick heading towards my head. I remember begging him to help me out with the day to day things. I remember he would not. I'm not talking about him really, I'm talking about me. If I could go back, I would have insisted that he help me. But if I really look back, I did that. He refused. So in reality, with him I had no choice.
I want to end up learning something from all of this. I feel as if I should because it was a devastating part of my life. I can't change what he did, but I can change my own behavior. So if nothing else, I think I should pay a little more attention to what I need. I will never again in my life allow someone to beat me down and force me into servitude like that. I should not get so wrapped up in being busy to where I don't stop and make that person I love feel special, whether he tells me he needs it or not. But on the other hand, I will not allow my life to get to that point because I'm in control of it. I will never again feel as if I have to prove my love someone by doing everything to the point of exhaustion. Been there, done that.
I was only saying that I heard what he said. Right or wrong, I want to be cognizant of that with people.
That's where I feel as if DB did make me a better person. I think we all need to look inside ourselves sometimes because of course we're not perfect. But if we can make ourselves a little better - something good came from all of this.
