Really upside down #2

[upside_downer]

Bill, you are right. It feels so good to do the right thing, but G damn that was hard. I didn't expect everything, or anything for that matter, to be easy.

The fear I have comes from anger, and vice versa. There is no reason why she needs to care about things being awkward because these are nothing more than friends. She simply doesn't want anything to do with awkwardness, or work at this point. That much was obvious by her vehemet denial to do something uncomfortable and open up to me and meet me halfway.

The difference now is that I am in the process of dropping it and letting it be. She doesn't want to make the stand and actually D me, and yet she doesn't want to put forth an effort because she feels I am causing all of the problems. Fine, let her think that way.

She'll have nothing else to blame when I don't respond the way she's expected me to. She won't have anywhere else to turn but on herself when I am happy for myself and doing things for myself and have left HER behind. She'll have guilt only for herself when I am happy to try to include her in my friends and other life (if I so choose).

[upside_downer]

Ugh. Why can't we turn our brains off from thinking about crappy stuff? I woke up this morning to distressing thoughts about my M. So bad that I couldn't sleep.

Now throughout the day, I can't help but think of how my W will be at this wedding, and you know they have music, so she'll have the opportunity to slow dance with someone else.....and it just so happens that the guy that asked for her phone number is part of this group of friends so guess where my thoughts went.

Oh well....can't control that, so why worry about it???

Grrr....brain....turn off, please?!!?!?!

[goldeylox]

UD-Time to get a grip.
You mean you don't have another friend that you can make plans with for Friday night? You cannot let someone else's actions dictate your feelings (said the poster child of letting others' actions affect her feelings). OK, sometimes this DB'n stuff is easier to say than to do.
Do something for yourself Friday night. Maybe even overnight. When she calls you Saturday morning (and she will) you will be having so much fun you won't even notice her message until lunchtime. Peace.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1521191&page=0&fpart=1

[upside_downer]

Well, this isn't happening Friday. This is happening actually rather close to our own anniversary, which gives me more time to think about it, which is what I don't want

[upside_downer]

Well, this isn't happening Friday. This is happening actually rather close to our own anniversary, which gives me more time to think about it, which is what I don't want

[goldeylox]

UD-I'm not kidding, you must GAL Friday. For your own sanity, find something, anything, to take your mind off things. Dwelling on what your W is (or is not) doing without you is going to drive you nuts.
You're a smart guy...what are your interests? I have yet to meet a man who does not love going to Home Depot. It's like Nordstroms for men. Break out the Matrix videos and have yourself a little marathon. I'm sure you can come up with something. What's stopping you, really?
Obsessing over the sitch is not helping you. Peace.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1516497

[upside_downer]

Goldey-

Thanks, really. What I was trying to say was this event is not happening Friday. It's not until Sept. So I have a couple of months before this actually happens. That is why it's hard because I have all this time to think about it.

I wouldn't even normally care, but this is a group of friends that I loved to hang out with and it makes me very sad that now they don't include me on invites. I've been officially ostracized from them and I really miss them. Just a bummer....

[Neilh23]

UD... i'll pop in some time today and read up on your stuff. seems we have a lot in common! LOL..
stay strong.

[upside_downer]

Thanks, Neil. We do have a lot in common. I'm having one of those weeks you would describe as "ugh"

[upside_downer]

Doing some thinking. Yeah, here come the dumb ideas so get ready.

I've been thinking to myself that I need to be that guy that attracted my wife. Funny, though, I don't remember being that person. I don't know HOW I was, or what I did.

I think I already know the answer, but....what's the harm in asking our S at some point for some specific memories or things in general that attracted them to us? I think that may fall under R talk, but not sure since it's just "what do you remember?"

And lastly....I'm not sure what to do. I'm still having a hard time deciding whether to let her initiate everything. I did call her two days ago just to say Hi. (She had complained that I can never do that without talking about the same R talk). She seemed annoyed and short on the phone so I ended the conversation quickly. I made sure I said "well, I just wanted to see how you were doing"

Today we had the shortest ever email exchange:

W: "how are you?"
Me: "Wonderful, and you?"
W: "I'm great! :)"

....ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooK. What was THAT all about?