She's rushing becuase she's in a panic. anyone having an affair is in a panic. Its part of the double life she's living. I can guarantee she's not telling him the whole story.
My bet is she's nice to you in person, but complains about you to OM. She wants him to keep hanging in there for her. He knows she has a husband, a son, a family, and friends who have turned on her. He knows she's being influenced. She offers reassurance by trashing you most likely. The irony is that she's cheating on him too.
Do you think he wants to hear her talk about your illness or how kind you have been? Do you think she' tells him things he wouldn't want to hear?
My point is that you are only getting one perspective. You are getting wall thrown at you and you are REACTING to the wall. You need to see the whole picture here.
She's being nice to you, she's asking how you are, she's being civil. She hasn't moved out yet. These are all positives. you will need to work with that and stop digging further. Once you find a positive, GO WITH and stop looking for more.
All you need is one little eyeblink, she's handed that to you gift wrapped. When she called you and broke down on the phone I can guarantee you she has doubt. She is NOT going to SAY IT...so stop looking for that. Look at what IS there, she's talking to you, but you just don't want to hear it.
You told everyone, but we don't know how much pressure they are applying on a regular basis.
The hobbies and activities you told me your wife does are what she does NOW...is that a good sample of who she can be? Dude, what does she like when she's NOT having an affair? THAT is who you want to bring out, we need to tap into that person.
Detach doens't mean you give up, it means you own your feelings and your choices. You don't REACT anymore, you own and act every heartbeat of your own life from this point on. Ya, she's having an affair, but YOU are not going to react to that, you are going to give her your best. That is what will break down that wall. Detaching from the hurt inside you and owning who you are head to toe. She hurt you, she had you sobbing like a child. Don't let her do that anymore. Own your thoughts, feelings ,and actions. Detach from her control and own your life.
Now that you are detached, you can be the best person you can be. This will bring her to you, he can't compete with a whole person. The OM is just a ghost, be a whole person. Detach and she' wont' own you anymore.
