Left the Rollercoaster - Now what???

[No Longer BH]

Ok, I HAVE to post how my day went. It has been a mix of emotions. First, when I got to mediation, my STBXH walks in with a chip on his shoulder. Like he is ready to battle. We sit down with the mediator and she goes over all of the rules for mediation and tells us what to expect. She goes over what we will be working on at our next meeting and what we need to bring. After that we left.
As we were walking out he stopped me and asked if he could talk to me for a few minutes. First he wanted to tell me how he was planning on getting the money for S school bill. He then went on to ask about alimony. He also wanted to know if I would be willing to work through most negotiations outside of mediation so that we (meaning him) could keep the cost down.

Then things got a little odd. He starts to tell me that he is still very depressed. That the medicine he is on has only gone so far and he can see that he has a lot of work to do to try and fix himself. He said that everyday was still very hard for him and he was still fighting against his demons. Felt like his life was just falling apart. He said again that he realized the A was wrong. Wanted me to know that they had only been physical a couple of times and he has not been "with" her in that way in 2 months, but he still does see her as a friend.

My mom sent him a book w a bunch of pics in them of STBXH and S. STBXH said he got it then started to cry in front of me. Said it tore his heart out to see it because he knows that he has lost the only family he had (meaning my parents). Said it felt like they have turned their back on him now. I was strong and just listened. Did not try to fix anything but was still compassionate to some degree. Felt like he made this bed now he can live in it. Through this whole thing he kept saying that he still wanted the D. Fine then, you can still have it.

After I left I went to my mechanic to have new tires put on my car. When I got there the owner (whom I have been friendly with over the years but dont know too well) said he new why I was getting a D - because STBXH had a girlfriend. I laughed and said, yep how did you know? Apparently about a month and a half ago this woman walks in and wants new tired. Mechanic ask how she found out about them. OW says my STBX name. A few minutes later STBX pulls up about a block away in his car, walks halfway to the garage and waits for her to come out. Then they leave together. Mechanic guy then looks at me and says.....

"Brokenhearted, just so you know, she was NOT attractive at all and was very overweight." I started to laugh. He then said that he has had a couple of friends who have had an A and they always A down. That way the ugly girl worships them and they get their ego stroked. I left to walk over to my old house since STBX said I could wait there until car was ready. As I am walking, STBX pulls around the corner and stopps his car. I am still laughing and he wants to know what is so funny. I tell him that my mechanic knew he had a girlfriend because STBX had brought he there. STBX said, didnt I tell you that I took her there? Um, no but I really dont care. So I'm still kinda laughing and he ask why. I said mechanic also said she wasnt very pretty and was fat. STBX sat for a second and said, "No, she is not nearly as attractive as you are and she is overweight." I just smiled and kept on walking.

After car was ready, went back up to the garage and guess what....mechanic friend walked me to my car, gave me his number and asked me to go out sometime. Said he knew how hard D was and he just wanted to show me a good time. I thanked him and said I would call him when I was ready. Seems like STBX has been getting b!tched slapped by karma while she keeps sending roses my way.

Dont understand why he wanted to tell me so much. He has no desire to R, and has even said that he has not been able to forgive me yet (um, for what??? Never told me what it is that I did wrong, just kept it in instead and used it to justify leavind and the A). Anyway, too much thought is going his way. I am going back to NC.