1. Would have GAL much sooner and more vigorously.
2. Would have chosen one of two stategies: Total exposure of the affair with ultimatums OR 100% text-book DB-ing with non-exposure and detatchement. I ended up in a half-half world which ended up hurting us. Better to be hot or cold. Lukewarm doesn't cut it.
Theo
11 or 12 years ago my W started to act strange and I got ILYBNILWY and then I am in love with another man. I took strategy one , found out who he was , confronted him at his work , caused all sorts of turmoil . W said it was over , I suspected not confronted OM again , his wife found out and it realy did end more because he chose to repair his M than my W deciding to end it. My M was saved .....for a while What we didnt realy do was address any of the issues that got us there in the first place. We went through a honeymoon phase that was very nice but slowly got back to where we were but worse.
The problem being that I thought the problem was OM and once I was rid of him then things would be OK.
This whole thing was over and dealt with in a very short 3 months or so.
This time the hole is much deeper and I have taken as best as I can the second option , First A is over , I believe there has been another OM in some capacity after and am aware she is seeing a Married man on occasions now. I have DB'd as well as I can , not always very well , and becoming detached has been a long and painful process. We have been separated just over one year and I would not give good odds on my M at all. I know I will retain some sort of R with my W going forward. I have sorted a lot of my own life out , I am happier now than in the last couple of years of our M , I have my sense of humour and better relationships with my kids .
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1. Would have GAL much sooner and more vigorously.
Totaly agree , but very hard to do in the early months.
