Confused and Bewildered

[7 Year Itch]

See, I wish I could think it was a positive thing, that MY presence was wanted, but I really don't think so. HE made it clear that if the "girls" wanted to come watch them he'd like it. Obviously, a 2 and 6 year old can't go alone, so I have to go, but I'm pretty sure he could care less that I'm there.

I'll act as if I'm wanted there, and I'll be SURE to look cute. No one from his work has seen me since I've lost 45 pounds, so I will be sure to flaunt it! LOL

Trying to hang in with PMA but not delude myself either.

Chris

[pisces9]

you are so funny! believe me the positive remarks poeple will make about you will be HUGE for your ego and his!

ive lost 20 lbs and he says i look 10 yrs younger and EVERYONE makes good comments and im sure it affects them- he sees you are caring for yourself...

you are not delusional- but you make me laugh

[7 Year Itch]

Well, I have a job interview tomorrow.

It doesn't currently pay what I need, and it is only part time right now (supposed to go full time in about 90 days) but it could be great for a lot of other reasons.

First off, it's in the town where I live. There are NO jobs where I live (1/2 hour outside of the nearest suburb) so that is huge especially with gas prices. IT's at an equestrian center and my D6 is a horse FANATIC. THey do lessons there, so it could possibly be a perk if I could get discounted lessons from her. And the guy made it sound like he pays if people produce. He said most everyone that works for him has worked for him for 15+ years (good sign), so even though the beginning pay would be lower, if I prove myself and quick hopefully it would go up and be enough to stay there.

I'm going to talk with H about it when he comes to visit tonight. I know he'll initially probably balk at the pay and that it's part time. I hope he will see the potential. The thing is, is we stayed together, this would be the DREAM job for me and our family. If we DO divorce, then it probably would not be enough for me to support the girls and stay in the house alone.

So I'm just not sure what to do. It seems to have a lot of potential though. I REALLY hate not knowing what is going to be happening in my life.

Chris

[pisces9]

chris! that is great news...the world works on mysterious ways...
i would take your DREAM job for now and then you can figure out the rest later. if it works for now, you stay close to your area and you will enjoy it this much, i think it may be the best thing you can do for now. PMA!

you can always get a new job and deal w all the other stuff later.

today is today! you dont have to know the future...just be really confident avout your choice with your H. just say thisis what you are doing and smile. tell him its your dream job too and you are finally doing it. if he asks about "future" stuff just say ill deal with that when it happens!

ZEN GURU ~~~~~~~

((((Chris!))))

[maninmotion]

(((Chris)))
A couple of things. I don't care how hardened and determined a spouse is, if they aren't deep in lurve with someone else and maybe even if they are, positive attention for their partner is going to effect them deep in their reptilian brain stem. If you've lost 45 lbs, then you are going to turn some heads among his peers.

Secondly, it's always easier to find a job when you have one. No one can predict what the future will bring. So, grab onto this opportunity and make the most of it and if it doesn't work for you in the future, you had a grand adventure working at the equestrian center.

Dan

[ms ladybug]

If this can be your dream job then don't pass it up. Take it if for no other reason but that it's SOMETHING. It's a bit of money and better than no job at all. If it ends up REALLY being a dream job than it will likely work out. If not, maninmotion is right. It's easier to find a job when you have one. I little less pressure.
I don't want you to pass up something and regret it later because you don't know what your future has in store for you.

[7 Year Itch]

Well H is totally onboard with me checking this out. I would have done it even without his "approval" but being that the agreement was for me to find full time employment to start next month, and this isn't for several more months, I"m taking that as a positive sign.

So tonight ended up being a GREAT night. H came to see the girls. I did my own thing, let him have his time with them. We actually CHATTED over dinner about his day, about my interview tomorrow, it felt like a normal family meal, instead of us sitting awkwardly at the table all together but each only talking to the kids.

So I was in my room, and he came in after getting the girls to bed. He always waits with me a bit, and we listen in D2's monitor to make sure she is really out before he leaves.

This is when in the past R talks have happened. But I'm a good week in without those, and I can see the change. So I was watching that new Johns Hopkins show, and he laid down next to me and watched a bit. Then we got gabbing about the interview again. I talked about how I hoped I could get D6 some discounted riding lessons if I got the job etc. He said that would be great. He then asked if I thought the guy would be flexible for me to do things periodically at the school. H knows I'm really upset about not being able to help at the school anymore etc. I told him I had no idea, I hadn't really brought anything like that up on the phone, and I'd feel him out more tomorrow.

So then we sort of ended up wrestling around again. IT's so funny, but I feel like a couple of teenagers at times. So we were laughing, and I told him to stop because I was going to end up all bruised before my interview and they were going to wonder what the heck was going on with me! LOL

So we kept laughing, and I kept making little comments like. "see, I know you want me" and he'd laugh and say."no, I think YOU want me". LOTS of flirting and boobage grabbing. Then tonight he told me that I had lost a lot of weight and I was looking really good. Then I asked him to show me some excersizes to lift my butt and firm up my tummy. I showed him what I had been doing ,and he gave me some new things to try (he's a HUGE work out guy, and I never have been, so I think he liked showing me those things).

Then he really started yawning and said he was dreading the drive home (hour and a 15 minutes away). I just looked at him with a sly look and said "well, you know you don't have to have that drive", and I sort of poked him playfully. To which he said......"yeah, yeah".

I told him to wish me luck tomorrow, and he said "Good luck. Call me afterwards and let me know".

Then he told me he'd for sure call me when they got the game schedule for Sat. and me and the girls can come watch one of their games.

Then when he was leaving I walked him out, and he was really lingering. We just stood in the garage and looked up at the stars. They are SO plentiful out here in the country, compared to the city where he is staying. I could tell he really missed it. Then I said, so can I get a hug? And he said, yes. Then I said.... "I'm gonna kiss you" and he said."no" (but he said it playfully), so I said............"that's ok, you don't have to kiss me back. I sort of like that I have something to look forward to. I know when you do it'll be my sign" to which he said, "yeah, I guess it will".

So anyway, hopefully this good feeling carries for awhile, because I'm really on a high after our great interaction tonight. Another week made through without him filing. Good right? Time will tell.

Well, I"m going to try to get some sleep. I'm really struggling with what to wear to this interview tomorrow. On one hand I want to dress up like I normally would for an interview to show I'm serious, on the other hand I'm going to be at an Equestrian center, and meeting with the trainer (will probably be out in the stables etc....), so would like to dress for that, but don't want to be too casual.

I'm sure I'll feel like and idiot either way, so I figure better to dress nicer than too casually.

Wish me luck. I'm really hoping this could be a good fit.

Chris

[maninmotion]

Good job little sis. I wish you all the best tomorrow.

Yes, another week of not filing is good.

He is into working out. You've lost a lot of weight and are looking great. You asked him for help with working out. I'm a guy that has been working out for 25 years and I can tell you that for me this would be huge. It's a 180 and it shows respect for his expertise which all us guys love. Honestly, there is a very real phenomena where people don't ask for or can't accept advice from people that are close to them even if those people are recognized experts. Oh yes, I think you did a very good thing there. It's still only another step, but, it's an arrow that will slide in behind the shield because it isn't obviously pursuing.

Knock them dead tomorrow.

Dan

[Changed Woman]

Hi, Chris-

I keep following your post...your sitch is almost identical to mine. My H is also in law enforcement...there is no OW...moved out in June....gives me small signs that are positive.

At any rate...I just wanted you to know I enjoy your posts...they keep me inspired...you, Pisces and JeninVen.

THANKS!

[7 Year Itch]

Ugh, I'm sitting here getting nervous. I HATE interviews. Just HATE them. And when I get nervous, I tend to ramble like an idiot. Hope this goes well. 2 more hours!

Chris