my crazy mess part 3...

[sandi2]

Ok, I am willing to work with Forrest to do whatever we can to help move this stitch along. I think perhaps it does take both sexes in these issues to learn from each other and how to handle certain things.

The pool was a "objection".. it became a source of anger likely because it was what came to his mind.. and he needed to project that anger somewhere. I did not see the "Pool" becoming the main issue.. but I expected something would. I think that the anger shows.. he still cares.. if he did not.. it would have not come up.

As weird as it seems to most females that anger proves he still cares.....perhaps FG is right about this. I suppose if he just plain did not care one way or the other....there would be absolutely no signs of any emotion. But what concerns me about you, Christa,can you handle the sting from your H?

I don't want Christa poking the way I poke you. I need to be sure we are not doing that.

Hummmm, well, we may need a third party to help us here b/c I've lready stated how "poking" affects me if I'm mad. But, if being angry is a sign he still cares, then we need somebody to tell us how she needs to "poke". I for one would think Christa (sorry if it sounds like I'm talking like you aren't in the same room with us) would have to have a lot of spunk and fire and spit to deal with the sting. It is fine to be soft, gentle, warm and caring, but she better put a suit of amour on when she starts to "poke" and for goodness sake.....don't show fear and don't back down. On the other hand (just what you wanted to hear, right Christa?) If she was to show a soft and warm "strength" about her without any signs of fear or desparation........something to think about.

Christa is somewhat desperate.. and it shows.. the second things go bad she retreats. Now from the retreating standpoint.. I think that causes some more "Drama". Lets get Christa.. better.

The first thoughts to come to my mind is a low self esteem problem. Christa, have you had that problem down through your life.....especially in school? Do you have body image issues? How do you really feel about yourself as a sexual being? Did you ever suffer any mental or emtional abuse? These are important questions b/c it will depend on what steps you need to take to prepare yourself for the "poking". A lot of women have self esteem problems. This come from various souces, but they are still there for us, so we need for you to tell us how you feel about yourself as a woman and especially where other men are concerned. Because, honey, you are going to have to face your H with all the confidence and self control and poise he has ever seen in a woman. You will need to stand tall and graceful and not a tear on your face. He needs to see a woman that is completely sure about herself and what it is she wants--from her head down to her toes. In other words, you want to knock his socks off with the way you present yourself. Believe me, it will make an impression on him.

Christa will respond to any "action" with fear.

This is what I'm talking about. No fear.....no tear. You don't have to go in there like a "bulldozer" or a prize boxer to make your point.....that is not being very feminine. You can be a feminine woman and show strength and courage. So, what if he blows his stack and throws things around and has a fit? Just stand strong and never show fear. Perhaps it is your fear that he feeds on.....and seems to react to. I don't mean physical....but emotionally. If he thinks he has you over a barrell with this pool (or anything else) you will back down b/c of your emotional fear. If he is going through some sort of vindictive mode......don't show your fear. Don't have fear of him....period! For all we know, that is what is making him so angry at you.....is the fact that you are retreating about these issues and he just wants to see his old wife back again with the spirit she used to have. What was that?

If we really look at it.. she was the chaser.. he was the chasee. Call me crazy.. but dosen't DB tell you to think back on what worked?

Well, I'll have to admit, that FG may have a point there. That leads me back to the self esteem. You must have felt pretty good about yourself back then to chase after this man! Please don't tell me it was out of desparation. Anyway, if he liked it and it worked back then.....well, let me ask you this, have you tried the old familiar flirty ways that worked back then? Or is things too strained to even think of doing that in the same way? Does he get worse when you back away? If so, then FG is right, you need to press closer. This is usually not what works with most couples, but then we all aren't alike...for sure. So, maybe he likes the chasing and being prusued. If it worked before, maybe again. What are your thoughts on this, Christa?

I know your head is spinning by now, so I will stop. You said you needed a while to think about all this and I've just added some more...lol. I would like to know what kind of woman your H likes? Does he like the all sugar and so sweet it makes you sick? Or does he prefer more spice and just a little sugar? How does he react to a strong confident woman? I'm not trying to wear your brain out, just trying to get a "feel" for what your H would like to see in you.

Talk to you later.

Sandi