Seems like a pretty good attitude in general....keep the focus on you and not on her (i.e. don't make the changes to show her what she is missing, make them to show yourself who you can be and want to be)...make the changes for you....live the changes.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
Hi Neil - haven't posted to you before but I'll catch up on your story soon. In the meantime I just wanted to say I love your thread title!! It caught my attention because I'm a huuuuge Springsteen fan. You too?
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
okay so here's a quandry that i've been thinking about...
how do i implement my goals, yet detach and make changes for myself? if i'm watching for her reaction to my action, am i really detached? or is that unconditional love?
just a question.....
ME:32 WAW:31 D #1: 3.5 D #2: 2 Together: 13 M:6 Bomb Dropped: 2/15/08 Sep legally: 6/18/08
"Tommorrow there'll be sunshine, and all this darkness past..." -Bruce Springsteen Land of Hope and Dreams
okay so here's a quandry that i've been thinking about...
how do i implement my goals, yet detach and make changes for myself? if i'm watching for her reaction to my action, am i really detached? or is that unconditional love?
just a question.....
Exactly!!
I've been pondering this too! I posted on it, I think its on page 5 in my thread (actually I think it was in response to one of your posts,ha!)
Lets think more about this... B
My Story: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1512790&page=1#Post1512790
You detach and make the changes for yourself. They're positive changes in you - things that you either definitely want to be part of the "new and improved Neil," or things you want to try out to see if they "fit" the new you.
You WATCH for her reaction to your actions - but you're simply observing it. You're not hinging your mood, feelings about yourself, etc. on her reaction.
Does that help?
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
it is a balance.... you do all your work and changes and take action...then you do watch and wait .... if all the work you have done is positive- it may throw your W for a loop and she may react poorly..when you know you have detached- is when you can see that it isnt about you. and you dont take what she does/says to heart and relize how much pain she is in.....and just work on you and do your own thing....it is when you dont ride her rollercoaster anymore. you will see- you are alaready there...some days arent as clear..
i like this quote to help with this idea- it helps me realize how GREAT I am and that I can only work on me... " Be the Greener Grass"
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
You too?