Stop enabling your W. You will feel better about yourself.
She was sick. Kick a woman when she's sick. No I tried to allievate her. That's compassion.
She asked for some minor favors. I also took the kids and gave her rest. I told her I would drop the kids off, but she came up anyway. She needed to get out of the house. Then when she was at our house she walked around and did things.
Drove me nuts, because I just wanted to hold her. Feel her. Touch her. I did I tried to rub her neck and back. She pushed away. Then when I said I loved her when she left. I got the I DON'T KNOW WHY!
Ok, maybe it was over the top for the day. Because I already got two returned I love you's on the phone. At the end of the night I got the I don't know why you love me.
I'm thinking that is better than what she said before. I never felt liked you loved me.
Maybe were not. Just received a text. I'm signing them kids up for CCD for 10:40 class on Sundays at such and such a Church. Is that ok with you.
The Church right by our house. - This is good.
Didn't ask for any money. - This is good. However if she did ask for money for this I would glady pay half if not all.
Had to use text to communicate. - This is bad.
Now what did she call about last night?
I waited an hour and texted back, Yes.
Messed up last night trying to hug her, hold her. Clingy idiot. But everytime the woman gets around me I think I can just hold her and make it all go away.
Which makes it so hard to DB. Kid in a candy store. Kid can not control himself. Augustus Gloop the big nim ka poop.
My wife is Veruca Salt.
My mind is the insane ecletic genius mad man that sings and dances. Ask's like a hard a$$ but is really a softy and gives in.
Remember when Wonka screamed at Charlie for stealing fissy lifting bubbles. He looses. Now he is going to have to sanitize the chamber, etc. Then he is read the indemity clause. Grandpa flips out. Charlie comes clean and hands him the everlasting goobstober.
Willy gives him the factory. They go in the Wonkavada. It goes upways, downways, sideways, zigzag ways. I pressed all the buttons except this one. Now you press it Charlie. Willy doesn't know what is going to happen because he never pressed it. The excitement intensifies.
Phil, one thing I will say is you need to try and stay on task here. There is a lot of stuff being discussed that has little to no bearing on your marriage.
The "I love you's" may be a bit of overkill. 3 times in one day to someone who has moved out and is not progressing back towards you? There is a good reason why she asked you why, because she probably doesn't understand what it is that you love so much.
I would say that you may need to back off of the I love you's, the affection, thae kisses, adn the touching. Do you clearly understand that you are rewarding behaviors on her part that are not good. To put it in leyman's terms, would you pat your dog if he pissed in the house...no. You would smack his nose and tell him he is a bad dog. When he barks at the door and you take him out and he does his business, then he gets a treat or you pet him.
Communication is an issue for you, we all know that. So how are you going to fix it? You haveto find a way to speak with your wife rather than speaking at her. Even if it means swallowing your pride for a bit and simply listening to what she is saying.
YOU don't have to fix anything for her right now. YOU don't have to have long drawn out conversations. YOU don't have to speak to pig girl...at all.
The problem that I still see Phil is that you continue to create your own controversy. I call that self fulfilling prophecy. You know you need to change your actions in order to change her reactions, yet you choose not to over and over again. You know that she is going to be upset if you tell her no and give her excuses, yet you still do. You know that she is going to text you about the kids and instead of simple replies, ou hit her with constant one liners with hidden meanings. You know that texting with pig girl will not help you at all, yet you continue to text her, then you egg her on with a one liner which meant nothing to you, but could very well piss her off.
One thing I hate watching is folks who know the outcome yet still take the actions to get there. At some point you have to decide to either help yourself or quit the game.
I just figured it out. It's this work enviroment. These users. They wear me down. There constant stupidity wears my patience thin and then when I have to interact with my wife I can't. I don't have anything left.
The constant correction for mistakes other makes. The constant fixes. The inability of them to follow directions. Even the simplest of ones. The constant constant repeating of something I just said. I hate repeating myself. I have to do it over and over and over again.
Then I repeat my own insanity over and over again hoping for different results.
Ian, I can actually see the point of conflict resolution possibly being an issue. But you are right in that this is side tracking.
Phil, I'll meet you half-way. I am good at DBing. I have found the DBing skills to be more useful in Piecing.
Gee, you know, I'd rather that the USCG sticker meant you listend to the Coastie, insted of talked with the Coastie. : )
: ) those, BTW aren't meant in the sickeningly sweet cute emoticon world around here. I use them so people can attach a joking manner to my posts instead of possibly reading the wrong intent into them. ; ) usually means I am poking fun at you, but not in a mean way.
Phil, serious question.
How much of your reaction to your wife is based out of spite?
Before you knee jerk answer, I really want you to think about it, and this.
This more than anything: If we can lie to ourself, we can lie to anyone.
I won't lie to you, and I won't blow smoke up your backside. 2x4's don't seem to work on you, so I'll do my best to refrain, if you try your best at this. Deal?
I mean what do you have to lose that isn't already gone right now? : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
BTW, I think your being too literal. Talk with Coastie. Listen to Coastie. Lighthouse, Coastie, the pirates, Jack three beans. Captain Jack. It all fits.
Quote:
How much of your reaction to your wife is based out of spite?
All of it. I mean if I'm understanding you correctly. She would yell at me about something in the past and I would be like whatever STFU. I'm not a 15 year old locked up in her compound.
Things were bad, but I was used to them being bad. I think it had plenty to do with the fact that she is immature. Now she has gotten more immature. Didn't think that was possible.
Now they are worse, and I'm trying to change it. Seriously I never saw her ever leaving.
I want to love, adore, and cherish the woman. I don't want to fight her. We constantly fought. I would have to say it was usually her causing the havoc, and most of the time I would recuse.
None of my reaction now is out of spite. Actually I'm more of in a tranz when I'm around her now. Which wife is going to show up. The angry bitter, venom spewing one. The nice one asking for small favors. The one wanted nothing but a little affection.
I'm in a traz, because I just want the moment to go well. I want to spend more time with her. Even last night I had an opportunity for her to stay longer. She was sick and I told the kids to get their shoes on so that mommy could leave. Plus she already hightened my anxiety. I want to hold her, she doesn't want held. If she is in my prescense that is all I can think about. Reaching out holding her hand. Hugging her. On the porch couple of weeks ago I just wanted to put my hands on her feet because of where she was sitting. I wanted to rub her feet because I know she was on the all day.
I was so dumb during WAW live in stage. I had her home and I pushed her away. I couldn't take her numbness towards me.
I'm going to build a couch that looks like a ship. Maybe I could make a small boat and flip it sideways and make it a couch. The living room needs a couch.
