Ms. Imp and her Magic Kumquat

[lodo]

I might have a new place lined out - in the perfect neighborhood. Not far from work, lots and lots of trees and no noise! It won't be ready until end of August/early September though. I'm ready to spread my wings NOW. Things are moving forward.

Wow - you sound great gfi! I found it extremely helpful to move. Didn't realize how much so until I was out of the house and away from those bad memories. When I go back there, I just think "No way in hell I'd ever live here again."

[girlfromipanema]

I feel great. I think it's the weight of not knowing my future being lifted off my shoulders. The limbo I've been living for the past many, many months has taken it's toll. There was so much I wanted to do with our home (amend the garden soil, plant roses and agapanthus, purchase items to make our house a home, etc.) but I didn't know what the "plan" was and felt completely stuck. Now that I know I'm the one in control of my future, I feel a sense of freedom that can't really be described. There is still an underlying sense of sadness, but that is to be expected.

My husband is turning back into the nice guy I used to know. It's so odd. Last night I ran to Walgreen's. He arrived home while I was gone and when I walked in the door he asked, "how was your day?" and, since I'm not used to him asking anything about my life I said, "how was my what?". "Your DAY." "Oh, it was great, thanks. How was yours?" It was just so nice to have a little common courtesy shown. =)

[ernest88]

My husband is turning back into the nice guy I used to know. It's so odd. Last night I ran to Walgreen's. He arrived home while I was gone and when I walked in the door he asked, "how was your day?" and, since I'm not used to him asking anything about my life I said, "how was my what?". "Your DAY." "Oh, it was great, thanks. How was yours?" It was just so nice to have a little common courtesy shown. =)

Being nice to make the process nice?? My STBX did it. Ping's STBX did it..It happens all the time. You finally decide to move onthen they are nice, to a point..

[Sugar and Spice]

Thats the part that kinda sucks. Not only do you have to go through all of the pain and suffering, you have to be the grown up as well? So not fair!

You sound really good doll. Keep it up.

Corey

[girlfromipanema]

Mike, yes, I believe he's being nice to make the process nice. We do plan on staying friendly due to work. Also, I think he feels an enormous sense of relief that a decision has been made. He may also feel relieved that I'm the one who actually made the decision. I believe he thinks he's been my savior and I think a part of him was afraid I would do something to hurt myself if he made the decision. Either that, or he's just like Kalni's husband: WEAK.

I choose to remember the strong, caring, kind, generous, loving man I married. Things happen. People change. Maybe we are no longer right for each other, but we shared something beautiful at one point and I am truly grateful for the wonderful life experience we shared.

[girlfromipanema]

Thats the part that kinda sucks. Not only do you have to go through all of the pain and suffering, you have to be the grown up as well? So not fair!

You sound really good doll. Keep it up.

The reality is, my situation is so benign compared to so many. Like you, for example. And GF and Pinkie and so many others. I've got it pretty good and I know it.

It still hurts, but it could be so much worse.

It's been made easier by your loving support, friend.

[ernest88]

Also, I think he feels an enormous sense of relief that a decision has been made. He may also feel relieved that I'm the one who actually made the decision.

To me that sounds weak..So you may be right, deep down he may be.

it's good that you two will attempt to remain friends. Lots of times in these things that does not happen. For what it's worth I'm glad no kids are involved. It makes things much harder and not only do you feel that your life is "changed", just think what a small child must feel.

I believe he thinks he's been my savior and I think a part of him was afraid I would do something to hurt myself if he made the decision.

why would he even think this?? Does he think your unstable, weak..not strong enough to "get over him"?

[girlfromipanema]

why would he even think this?? Does he think your unstable, weak..not strong enough to "get over him"?

I was depressed in the past, before we got married. He doesn't understand depression. He doesn't understand that my deficient thyroid hormone could cause such behavioral changes. He doesn't get that my thyroid medication has relieved my depression. I do believe he thinks I'm weak. In December he told me when he married me he "thought he could help me but now isn't sure." So you married me out of pity???? WTF????? Because I was upset that his friendship with another woman was taking priority over me, he thinks I'm unstable. I can't change the way he feels.

He also has way too many people who profess their adoration of him and I think he's gone to the dark side. He's gotten pretty arrogant, whereas when I first met him he was just really confident.

The thing is, if our roles were switched and he was the one posting on this site, I'm sure he'd say lots of derogatory things about me and make me seem like a wacko monster. I'm not trying to make him out to be the bad guy. I'm just stating the facts as I see them. I miss the old him but I'm ready to move on to my next life experience.

And, I'm so glad we don't have kids. Although, I think he would've tried a little if we did... maybe.

[ernest88]

I was depressed in the past, before we got married. He doesn't understand depression. He doesn't understand that my deficient thyroid hormone could cause such behavioral changes. He doesn't get that my thyroid medication has relieved my depression

STBX has the same..I understand this completely..the depression and thyroid that is.

In December he told me when he married me he "thought he could help me but now isn't sure." So you married me out of pity???? WTF????? Because I was upset that his friendship with another woman was taking priority over me, he thinks I'm unstable. I can't change the way he feels.

He also has way too many people who profess their adoration of him and I think he's gone to the dark side. He's gotten pretty arrogant, whereas when I first met him he was just really confident.

Wow Big ego he has and likes to have it stroked..

I'm not trying to make him out to be the bad guy. I'm just stating the facts as I see them.

Hope I did not imply that you were cutting him. I have not seen you do that and I don't think you would..I think you and I both know that the high road is better..I don't seem to be able to walk it like you but I do try.

Although, I think he would've tried a little if we did

I don't think it matters. When they decide to walk, then they walk. Kids, dogs, cats, broken hearts, broken families, it makes no difference to them.

I hope you are moving on girl. Sounds like you are. I hope you meet a "good guy". I hope you meet someone whose values and morals are so high that they never cheat, lie, give you what you want and require someone who sees the "special" in you and treats you like you should be treated and that their eyes never wander.

You hang in there..I'll keep watching and try not to aggreviate you too much.

By the way, you have any vacation time?? I could use some help on the house..

[girlfromipanema]

I hope you are moving on girl. Sounds like you are. I hope you meet a "good guy". I hope you meet someone whose values and morals are so high that they never cheat, lie, give you what you want and require someone who sees the "special" in you and treats you like you should be treated and that their eyes never wander.

That touches my heart. Thank you for your sweet words. I am moving on and I'm feeling happy.

Mike, you most certainly don't aggravate me! You're my bro... I love you man. ;-)

Edited to add: Get in line on the request for help. My dad is putting pressure on me to help in his peach orchard (several states away), my grandma wants me to come visit (which would never be a chore), and I've got a lot of work to do to prepare me for my brilliantly sparkly future! But, if I had the time, I'd definitely help. I'm a very good worker. I've helped demo construction, helped build a fence, know how to change a tire, and all sorts of 'ranch' work. That was my dad's way of showing love and connecting with me. I hated it then, but appreciate having a strong work ethic ingrained into my soul. Never did much plumbing, though!