Well, I made a big mistake. When I went over to the daughter & son-in-law's to drop off a small gift for the boy who had been my grandson, it ended by the D getting angry and telling me to leave and not come back. She even told me I didn't belong in the town.
I've found out that my W has been spreading lies about me to her friends and family in town, even making similar attempts in the church we attended, but to which now I alone go. It has taken its toll. Her daughter claims I turned on her, yet, such is not the case.
I also believed I saw W riding in car with guy who used to be our landlord the first 4 and a half years of our marriage. She was the one who originally got an efficiency from him when she first left me in 1989. I think I have sufficient proof for myself now that she has had a long and sometimes interrupted affais with this man since before we were married.
This is enough to convince me that, even if we were to reunite, she would continue to play around and lie about it. She enjoys it too much. I don't want her back.
I know how you must feel and trust me, I've had too many thoughts and too many people telling me to throw in the towel. But I won't, not yet. No matter how bad things might seem right now things can change.
If you do what DR/DB says, things will change for the better. You D, friends, family, parishoners, everyone, will come to learn how they were had over by your W. Don't fall for the trap by giving up. Giving up tells everyone your W was right. You must be the better person here. At the end of the day, we have our integrity to protect and are you by doing that by giving up? I don't think so. Giving up is a way to protect yourself from the negative feelings and emotions but only temporarily. GAL, making yourself a better person, being the better person in the sitch is what works.
Hang in there. We are praying for you. We need you to be strong.
Chris
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
God, it hurts not only that I was a piece of meat right in the first 4 years of our "marriage," but that these people whom I came to know as my family think that I've btrayed or turned against them. And my step-grandson and I were best buddies for 12 years. O, Lord above, I wish this would stop!
You need to let these things slide. You need to have thick skin and not let these things bother you. They will come to see the truth but only if you stay strong and focused on what is right. Patience and strength.
I know in my sitch, that my W told her parents that we are getting a D because of my non-stop drinking. Now, her mom divorced her dad because he was a raging alcoholic that was abusive. I am neither of those and my w was an enabler. I drank to cope with stress from job (a few beers or glasses of wine a night) and because I could (on the weekends, she wouldn't to take care of kids so I would. If the guys came over, I would a lot). Never any abuse but her parents wouldn't know. Now how the heck do I change their view? I can't right now. But in time, they and all her friends, will come to see that there must have been other issues which there are. It won't happen over night but it will, I know. It may only happen after she repeats her mistakes and ends up with a 2nd D down the road. Patience and strength.
Chris
Me 34 W 33 D 4 S 2 M 5 T 8 Bomb 6/17/08 Served 7/17/08 I hate Tuesdays! Current Thread
I miss that boy a lot. and I have no family now. All I have is a job, and she's determined she's going to drive me out of Bristol; doesn't even care if she really gets alimony, but she'd rather have me in the slammer for failure to support anyway. That's why she held on, for the permanency clause. then she started applying the covert manipulation and provocation. Like she said after I told her to get out: "Well, finally! It only took over 2 years to get a reaction out of you!"
I'll be blunt - Your letting your emotions control you and get the best of you. Take a deep breath and back away from the sitch for a while. You need to cool off and get your head together before you make decisions that you will regret.
You pressuring her is just going to give her more fuel to hurt you. It's a vicious cycle and one you cannot win. Detach and go dark on her or you risk crashing and burning.
- Scott
Original Thread Part 2 M-37 W-34 M 10 T 14 2 Ds 13
The going dark part has already started. But as for DB, one has to have a M in order to bust a divorce, and the woman I called W never took M seriously. She married me for 2 reasons:
1. My Dad came to town, searched her out, found her, and she felt guilty for all he told her. 2. Convenient cover so she could have 2 men at the same time and keep the convenient scheduling arrangement that meant I was gone during the day and she during the night. Wow. What more could a woman w/out self-esteem ask for?
