Hope4us struggle, part 7

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Can't wait to hear what she says about retrouvaille. I like Puppy's idea as long as it won't give her a chance to contact OM in any way.

If he does this (goes away for a week), I'd recommend a voice-activated recorder in the home, and a keylogger on the home computer. But that's just me . . . I'm twisted that way.

Puppy

[whatdidido]

Could call it twisted....could call it building trust.....She has lost the right to not be checked on. She needs to build his trust and earn it back. If he wants to do that, I think he should.

[Hope4us]

Well, I like your ideas. Next week I am going out of town for work, but only for 3 days. I won't be contacting her much as they have our days pretty much planned from wake up til bed time.

And I don't know what ghosts she's dealing with but after work I gave her the retro article and she looked at the first page, laid it down and she went to the store. She only said a few things to me when I tried talking to her. Not angry or anything, but just not responsive. After she got home from the store she immediately went upstairs and has been up there the whole night (with the door closed). S16 got up (he's a teen and been staying up all night and sleeping all day) while W was outside smoking and when she came in she didn't say a word to him and immediately went upstairs. And while she was out smoking she was staring at the ground the whole time.

So.....she's either dealing with the realization that OM lied and cheated on HER (call me twisted, but I chuckle every time I think of that) or she contacted him to give him a piece of her mind and that contact is putting her back into WD. I can see both of those being possible. I guess she could just be finally dealing with the demons of what she's done now that she sees how much trouble I'm having with testifying at the scumbag's divorce trial. Maybe she's finally looking at herself like you've said she didn't seem to have done all along Pup?

I did take a look at her cell phone again tonight and no TM's showing. So I checked the cell web site and there's no update for today, but there were 11 more TM's between her and EGF yesterday around lunch. And EGF is on vacation with her BF, so I'm sure those would be some interesting TM's to read.

Maybe she'll read the article when she comes down to couch...er bed? And maybe, just maybe, what's gone on the last few days will push her to go.

I don't know. I almost like this better. In a sick way, this makes me smile. I know I shouldn't relish the fact that she's obviously hurting, but I do.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4U,

If you are a praying man, and/or if you have a support group who is so inclined, now would be a great time to pray for her. I think she is dealing with a lot of stuff right now, and the next few days to a week will be key.

Just a hunch.

Puppy

[Hope4us]

Not much of a praying person Pup. Maybe I should be though, huh? Still doesn't look like W looked at the Retro article. I'm thinking she'll probably take it to work with her today, at least I'm hoping she will.

I went up to bed last night and she was watching another dancing show. Honestly, I'm just not sure what she see's in those shows. Probably more stuff to feed her fantasy world....Ok, I shouldn't be like that, but come on....Anyway, she didn't say a word to me before she went downstairs.

So, more WD or demons or whatever for ole H4U.

Going golfing today and won't get home til almost 9:00, so it'll be a good day :>)

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Not much of a praying person Pup. Maybe I should be though, huh?

I can only tell you how much of a comfort, and a strength, it was for me.

Sorry for another crappy day for you, buddy, but today does sound like fun! Enjoy.

Puppy

[Dr LOve]

H4
One of the requirements for Retro is (how they put it) "If there is a third person involved all contact must end."

When Wife agreed to this it did spark my hope. But I think the newness of the OM had already faded..

Later
Dr LOve

[Hope4us]

Yeah Pup, it should be a good time. One of the contractors that does quite a bit of work for us invited me and a couple of my guys to play in a member/guest outing at a pretty nice Country Club, so it'll be fun. Have to think on that praying thing.

H, I truly feel her affair is over. In fact, I know in my heart it is. Might have been some contact over that last months since I exposed to the kids, but I would guess it was only "how's it going" type stuff. After Monday night when I passed a little info her way about how OM was lying to her for at least the last 4 months or so of their "relationship" I think it hit her hard. I'm guessing now her distance is either WD because now she's really NC or just the reality of OM using her is hitting her hard. Either way, it's good for me.

Will she go to Retro? Don't know. But I do know that if she won't go then S16 and I will be moving without her. I guess I see Retro or the like as being something I NEED to know that she's at least willing to try. And if she can't spare a weekend to see if there's any chance for our marriage, then her "let's see how it goes" attitude just ain't gonna cut it. I've never asked her for much.....just say "I messed up and want to work on this" is all I'd need to stay and keep trying. Her going to Retro would be saying that to me even if she can't bring herself to say those actual words.

I sent her an IM a few minutes ago reminding her I was golfing this afternoon and wouldn't be home til 8 or 9 and all I got back was "ok". So she's still struggling with whatever demons she's fighting. It HAS to be reality hitting her. What else would make a person go from being up and friendly and engaging Monday after work to how she is now in just a few hours time?

Oh well....such is the life of us LBS's.

[Dr LOve]

Hope,

Your sitch is a mirror of mine. (except my son is 11) and we are not moving.
It was my last chance also. I so hope she will go. and as you said. even if your M is not saved. This is the first thing that I have ever done that has changed ME and only in two weeks..

Take Care buddy
Sending good vibes your wifes and your way

Dr LOve

[Hope4us]

Thanks H. I really appreciate it.

I'm not sure if she'll go or not. She's the type that thinks either the feelings are there or they're not. And if she won't go to see what could come of our marriage, is she someone I want to spend the rest of my life with? I mean, given that we hit a rough patch in our marriage (and I don't even think it was that rough, but I'll go along with her thinking it was) and she had an affair instead of dealing with the "problems" and given her "feelings are there or they aren't" approach, will she do this again if we would hit another rough patch? Or if things weren't that bad in our marriage (which I believe) and some predator came along and knew what to say to her and she fell for it, what if someone else comes along and makes her squishy, will she do it again? Given her apparent unwillingness to "work" on issues in the marriage, am I just setting myself up for it to happen again?

Things to ponder. Those are the reasons why I think her answer to Retro will be the deciding point for me. I mean, she could say she doesn't want to go and I say "then what is your plan for seeing if we can fix the marriage, cause what we're doing now ain't workin" and if she can come up with something, then MAYBE, but I just am not sure I want to take the risk further with someone who won't do anything to fix what's broken.

It just helps in my further detachment. It feels good and at the same time it feels bad.