Alien invasion 3.0

[hoosiermama]

Thanks. I'm trying to think long-term, but I'm really caught up right now in just getting through the next couple of months. Or even the next day, in some cases. I have to readjust my goals. For much of my life I've focused on 2 things--having a family and getting to a point of doing the kind of job that I'm leaving. So both my goals ended almost simultaneously due to circumstances apparently beyond my control (or were they? Guess I need to figure that out) and I really hadn't focused much beyond that. I'd like to work on a Master's degree, but that's a fairly far-off goal financially.

I know that most of the work of resolution and finishing the unfinished will be on my own. The difficult part of MLC for me is that nothing makes any sense at all, the denial and fantasy are incredibly obvious, and there's tremendous pain for D and I just so that H can chase something that doesn't exist. How do you resolve that stuff? Talking with him at this point, even in MC, is just a replay of the same nonsense. It's "only" been 2 months, altho it seems like sooooo much longer, and I know that I will move through stages of grief and it won't hurt as much as it does now. It may begin to make a little more sense once I'm not so raw. And the anxiety will ease once I find another job and that piece isn't hanging over my head and money isn't so incredibly tight. I will eventually learn to detach, altho I haven't made much progress in that area. There was some peace in hearing H admit to at least part of what's going on with the OW.

Re: dry drunk--it is the repeated denials of the drinking having a negative effect on his family, as well as the resentment he expresses about his wife having a problem with it that clued me in to begin with. I'm not even sure about the "dry" part--some of his posts, especially later at night, certainly sound as if they were written in an inebriated state.