Sandi2.. I want you to understand.. this is not an attack.
I am going to use your words.. and I may have another thought.
I expect you to "make your case".
We are here for Christa and to help her.
"I think your fault is the same as most people's here on the post and that is one of lack of patient. However, it seems to me that your H does need time to digest everything that you say to him, so IMHO, I would not push to text again too soon. I can understand how you feel about him testing you and he has not really "seen" new changes in you, yet.....which is not necessarily your fault b/c of the darn "pool" incident. It is a touchy subject for both of you. I would probably feel very much the same way as you have. But, I think you are on to a good idea as to how to deal with it (the pool)"
The pool was a "objection".. it became a source of anger likely because it was what came to his mind.. and he needed to project that anger somewhere. I did not see the "Pool" becoming the main issue.. but I expected something would. I think that the anger shows.. he still cares.. if he did not.. it would have not come up. So how do we break out of this? Christa will have to do it.. she just needs some "preparing".
"Well, since I just got stung by an angry bee a couple of weeks ago....my suggestion is not to keep making him more angry! I know the person I am mad at had better leave me alone and not keep poking or there would never be a future for us b/c it would end in a very bad way. So, my personal advice would be to not keep poking."
Sometimes I think we see poking.. the wrong way. You have to make sure that the person that is doing the poking.. meant it that way. Perceptions come to mind. I don't want Christa poking the way I poke you. I need to be sure we are not doing that. Sandi2.. this is my way of reaching out to you. Right here right now.. we are going to change things. I need your help.. and your wisdom.
"I'm with you, girl, I don't like the look of desperation either. Neither do men--according to what the number one sexual attraction about women is.....according to some mag report.....is, self confidence in a woman! Desperaton and self confidence just doesn't go hand in hand."
This is my point of focus. Christa is somewhat desperate.. and it shows.. the second things go bad she retreats. Now from the retreating standpoint.. I think that causes some more "Drama". Lets get Christa.. better. I am not a woman.. so I need help here.
My general thought.. just to recap.. H is angry because she left. He is going to make a stand on that.. he has to.. he is a DAM. Christa will respond to any "action" with fear. Honestly I think this could go on forever. My gut tells me the "distance" is creating "drama". I can tell you as a DAM.. if a woman was resilient to my stings.. I might start to perk up.. and pay attention. If we really look at it.. she was the chaser.. he was the chasee. Call me crazy.. but dosen't DB tell you to think back on what worked? Act as If.. you were still together? Everything is telling me.. have her move closer.. the Advanced DAM in me is telling me hold up. I have not figured out.. if that is my "Emotion" talking to me yet.
Glad you are around Sandi2.. lets debate this some. You too Christa. I think we all have something to learn from this.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
