Ken's situation - Live-in WAW

[steady]

Had a good day. Went over to the house at 7 am and we had my son have breakfast in our bed. Then I helped clean up and we setup for the party we had planned for the evening. It was nice because I was very involved in getting the stuff setup and helping with the planning. In the past my wife used to do almost all of it while I was off in my own world.

A few hours after I was there I was in the kitchen with my wife and she was making dip. She said to me, "It's really nice having you here." "We just need to get you straightened out" (referring to the meds for my bipolar) She then gave me a kiss and a nice long hug, rubbing my back.

She also said, "We don't have it so bad off." I asked what she meant by that and she told me when she went to her IC yesterday they were talking about the possiblity of me going into outpatient services to get the biploar meds right. (Sometimes it's hard to find the right combination of meds to get the person stabilized). This is an option we talked about before I left the house.

She said C said most of the time people only go into outpatient or inpatient because of restraining orders. He then asked her, do you have a restraining order? And she said no. I guess she was realizing there were situations which are alot worse then the one we are in.

She also said her IC said because of my dual diagnosis it shouldn't be a problem for an insurance company to authorize an outpatient program. She also said that he told her it would be the quickest way to get the results we were looking for.

On the one hand it frustrates me that she's only focusing on my part in the marriage drift and my mental health problems, but on the other hand it's a positive that she's even talking about it also.

I felt pretty detached from her. We went bowling in the afternoon and had a really good time with our son and daughter (2 years old). Her grandmother came with us also. Was a nice time.

I didn't have any anxiety at all and there was no obsessive compulsive thinking about the sitch. I was just there enjoying myself. It was a nice family outing.

We had the birthday party around 6:30 and my brother, his wife and 2 kids came over. Again it went nicely and we had cake and my son opened up his presents. I had a good time watching his excitement.

My brother and his family left and my wife asked me to stay to put the kids to bed. So I read my daughter stories and sang to her till she fell asleep.

My son stayed up a bit and the three of us played a bowling game on the computer. It was nice because my wife included me in it. She said, dad would probably want to play and I walked over and she had already put my name in on the game. (I know it sounds small but it's a positive small)

A few other positives - earlier in the day W, MIL, FIL, and wife's grandmother were in the living room and I brought a chair in. My W was sitting on the couch and she said, "Forget the chair, come sit over here - and she patted the couch next to her"

Later on in the evening I was sitting at one of the tables we setup and she came over and sat in the chair next to me even though there were empty chairs all over the place. I got the gut feeling it was a purposeful move...can't explain, but it wasn't wishful thinking. I don't know if that makes sense.

Overall I feel really good about it, but now there are no plans to see her until a wedding we are going to on Friday.

Was a nice day. I feel good. Working on the detachment. No R or M talks, no negatives that I noticed. Only slight disappointment on my side was there was a quick goodbye - no "I had a nice time" etc... but even that's so small it seems it wasn't even worth noting, but I like to include it because it did go through my mind. I'm not reading much into it. She said she was exhausted and she was on the way to read to my son and put him to bed. Son started getting a bit upset because he knew I was leaving but it went ok.

Just wanted to say thanks for everyone's support and help.

Ken