Dom, I know your situation is a bit contentious but mine isn't. My situation has reached a point that next steps must be made, we both must lovingly let go of each other so that we can each finish our journeys. My journey is near completion and hers has a long way to go. There's no anger, bitterness, frustration or negative feelings between us now. We are past all of that. But I am so far ahead of her its not funny.
Sadly my wife is a very lost woman. I've said it all along, she hasn't yet faced her issues and challenges and won't be able to move forward until she does.
We talked a very long time about how we got here, how we felt then, now and in-between. We talked about where she was, where I was. We talked about our last year together how we both were trying but struggling. We talked about my journey these last 20 months, my changes, about how I was struggling and how it most likely was a low level MLC and how in order to make the journey I had to do it myself, by myself.
This lead to where she was at and how she was struggling to find herself, what she wants, whats important. We talked about how it was much like my light MLC. We talked about how the journey must be traveled alone with the loving support of the special people in our lives but still it must be done alone. She broke down crying saying she wished she was where I was at, wished we were in "the same place." We talked about friendship, rebuilding our friendship simply by being a friend. As she put it I'm so far ahead of her she can't even see where I am at or envision being there. She broke down as she talked about herself. Like I said before, she's now facing her issues and she knows there's a long, long road ahead.
Folks I have reached a point where I am lovingly letting go in a new way. She needs to travel her journey herself. My gift to her is just that lovingly letting go. If she feels that this is the path she must take I won't argue, I'll just lovingly support her with the wish that she is able to speed along her journey and find happiness and peace. If it's meant to be then it'll all work out in the end.
As we really got into the conversation we talked about our feelings. In contrast to DBing I opened up, I talked about my stand and why, my commitment, my vow that I gave. I told her how she had gotten to a point she felt she couldn't count on me, count on my word. That truly hurt and so the first step in my journey was to address my core values. Having my word be my bond is important to me and its something she complimented me on. She feels like I'm now one of those people that once I say it or shake on it, its good. As we talked about my stand she talked about where she was at and how she wished she could be at this place I am now at, she hopes that one day she can be there too. As we were finishing up I told her exactly how I felt, I said I love you and have always been "in-love" with you. This really got her and she replied, "that means a lot to me, it means everything."
So folks, she's got to make her journey. I can't help her or do it for her. I must step out of the way so she can walk her journey. I believe what she wants deep down is to be past all of this to a place where she knows who she is and what she wants. I believe deep down she wishes we were together wishes we could both feel this great love for each other. Yet the debris of life is so cluttered about its going to take her a lot longer to get it cleaned up.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
