She'll figure it out without you ever having to say a word against him. We are only human and we've all lost our cool along the way with this craziness. You're no different than anyone else.
Obviously if he's still lying and cheating, he still feels he has something to hide. Why? Do you think it could be that he knows what he's doing is wrong? AH yeah!
Cat, Just dragging through and thought I would take a glimpse at your sitch. You are doing marvelously well under the current distress!
Quote:
I couldn't believe she thought that! before you know it she'll grow up thinking I scared him away. Lord, I need more help, these little children pay attention to everything!
Yes they do....and thank god for that! They will surmise the whole situation in far less time than it takes us. Why? Because they don't have all the distractions that you are currently going through. They will realize that their parents were caught in a tailspin of lies and murky scenario's and mom was paddling her lifeboat out of it to save them. Who scared who by the way? It seems that dad is in the midst of waving at his own demons and that I believe is scaring everyone away. I only say this because I know from experience. Strangely, no one I believe needs a slap, just a nod of understanding and a hug of warmth. You are doing fine Cat! Aim high shoot low.....peace
(quick thoughts, leaving my office after 11 hours, yuk. Missing midweek at my church but the good news is I can catch a bible study a few blocks from here at my pastor's pastor's church so I am hustling out the door)
I started to jot these notes after reviewing your thread.
First:
(((((cat))))) He knows your pain, He cares!
You have the right to be angry but in accepting Grace, when you give up that right, everything starts to flow more positively from there.
Above all, protect the kids from picking up on the resentment until you are finally able to mostly release it ("mostly" because it will resurface but in time the resurfacing is spaced farther apart)
Kindly but firmly tell him you don't want to hear his stuff. His life is his life.
Detach- it still applies.
Focus on the Lord, then your kids and they will see the peace you attain.
Pray for X with and in front of the kids and do so from the heart. (Easy to say, hard to do.)
I am 2 years into this and I see the progress but it has taken time.
Michele was really right when she said forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. Being forgiven ourselves, we our taught that we must also forgive others and in that teaching it does not say that the other person must first ask us for our forgiveness.
By the way, in spite of all the crud, my life is so much more of what I have always known it should have been except I was so busy trying to Save my marriage and by keeping my eyes on the marriage and on my X, my eyes were not properly focused on the Lord.
It was a tough lesson to learn but I learned it and my eyes are focused on Him!
Praying for you now as I head off to church.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
thanks guys))))))))))))))))) the ruts are far and between, but I still fall into one of them here and there. Thanks to God and your wonderful support I feel stronger and know this mess will be far behind, the raw hurt and anger (mostly hurt). Feeling good today, it is nice not to see him, after talking/dealign with him sun-tues is nice to go home and know I won't have to face him nor see gf's parking tag on his car.
I will tell him next time I rather not talk about his stuff, I know it s part of his adhd, to talk about himself on and on, but enough is enough, it hurts my detachment.
It's Thursday, ZUMBA day!!! I feel so good! instructor made me go up on stage for the lambada section, i'm beat! it's a new beautiful day and I thank God for it, for all of you)))))))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
it does take time. Yesterday (again, it is now 2 years later) I called X and got a voice mail message saying she was not available but it registered, hearing her voice. Hearing her say her first name and her NEW MARRIED name. She has been married for a year, I see her name written in my email address book but it just tweaked me this time.
So, I made sure I connected with my best friend and met up with him and some of the other guys (and some ladies) from church. We fellowshipped and then prayed afterwards.
It takes time.
On a better and brighter note, I also shared with him that earlier in the week X and I spoke and she was VERY agitated about something with my son's football practice, (nothing to do with me). She caught herself starting to rant and then stopped, realizing I am no longer the one she should vent to.
The incident reminded me of how there was always drama in her life, ALWAYS, and it was always someone else's fault.
Just like your ADHD X, along with the good we tend to remember, we are also released from the garbage we had to deal with. We are now free to walk with the Lord unhindered and life can be very sweet in with this kind of a walk.
You will continue to see this to be true, I promise.
Committed2Him- "C2H" All Things (Back from Spain!)...18
thanks C2H, I didn't realize how I was holding my breath the entire time stbx was around, bleah, I wanted so bad to make it work that I didn't realize for it to work he'd have to give too, and he was in no shape for that. No contact w/him, feels good, looking forward to a good weekend
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
No contact w/him, feels good, looking forward to a good weekend
Good weekend? How about a GREAT weekend.
When you think about it, it really is better to be single and happy than married and miserable.
I haven't thought about the these proverbs for a while but this topic brings them to mind. I think it is also ok to insert "man" or "husband" where "contentious woman" is written but having been married to one, I so identify with the scriptures below and I am SO glad to NOT be married to her for that reason (of course, the loss of the good attributes is saddening):
