Well, H just left. Once again, I DBed my butt off! And switched tactics twice in the middle of it--ninja DBing!
I was confident and joking when we met up, he had called and offered to pick me up from work (!) and then I became rather distracted while he was in the bedroom getting his clothes (I made a phone call and checked my e-mail) and because of my distraction (I think, or did he just want something to talk to me about?) he came out of the bedroom and started in with the legal arrangement talk.
He said he found out some things, and wanted to share them. I listened, but I wasn't in total agreement, so he overreacted, he was all, "I don't want this to drag out!" He was kind of aggressive about it, perhaps trying to intimidate me? When he was, I told him "please don't talk to me like that."
And then, when he was truly becoming a jerk for no reason, actually kind of cruel (he made fun of me for my voice catching, I was struggling and (succeeding very well!) holding back tears--I think they call that contempt), I said, calmly, "You don't need to belittle me." I walked away from him and back to the computer and started replying to an e-mail. I basically ignored him while he stood behind me and off to the side.
His whole demeanor then changed. He got this wide-eyed puppy dog look on his face. He asked when we could talk about our arrangement again, and I said, "whenever you want." He said, how about Friday? I said fine, I'll call you. Back to my e-mail. "Who are you e-mailing?" he said. I said, Do you really think it's any of your business? (with a playful smile on my face, not mean at all). He smiled, embarrassed. Returned to my e-mail.
He said a few more things, and I answered him, but basically ignored him until he left.
I can't believe how well that worked, how much he changed so quickly, one minute being a total aggressive jerk, and the next with this wounded, open look on his face. It's like I blew his anger away by really not being interested in it.
I stepped out of the cycle and stopped it, guys! This DB stuff seriously works.
Now, on to Friday. THAT'S going to be a day. Crikey
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
