Maybe there's a common thread here as well. When the first important male in our life loves us unconditionally and has a strong moral code, maybe we just expect we have picked men who are cut from the same cloth. Possibly it's more than the abadonment issue. The other reason we have such a darn hardtime with it is because in our widest dream, no matter how bad things got, we never thought that it would come to this.
That's me. My dad loved me unconditionally, it just never occurred to me my H wouldn't do the same. I still have trouble coming to terms with the conditional nature of my H's love; or, apparently conditional. His affection fluctuates directly with my weight, but also with his depression. Some days, it's hard for me to tell if he's just depressed - in which case I should stay by his side and support him - or if he's right and I'mthe cause of his problems because I'm not XY or Z. (Btw, although I am about 40 lbs overweight right now, he also thought I was too fat when I was a bony 5'6" 125 lbs., so I DO know he has issues of his own.)
Ellie
Oh Ellie,
If only we could have known then what we now sadly understand. Still I don't think we would have fully understood and probably thought it might change over time.
But like you said, "these are his issues"! Wow I think we're finally growing up!
