i made sure to smile and be upbeat and she kept saying "what?" "you're giving me a funny look" she's just not used to me smiling i suppose. still talking about that damn separation; trying to scare me i suppose. Puppy Dog, any input ?
"You just amuse me, that's all. If you're concerned about your health, I think it might be a good idea to quit smoking now. I hate to cut you short, but I need to go (fill in the blank)."
"I am just happy is all. You quit smoking when you are ready. Its a shame our son has to be exposed to that, but you can't rush people into things they aren't ready for. Take the time you need to get there, WANTING to quit is the first step, and I am proud of you. Our son would be proud of you too."
As for her mentioning the papers, just ignore her as you are doing.
I am thinking maybe saying "I am following our pastor's lead. He doens't think we are ready to sign anything, he thinks we should think of our son before we think of ourselves. I hate to admit it, but he may be right."
I DON"T KNOW about that one, I will leave it to the jury here to ascertain if that's a good approach or not.
I don't reccomend being abbrasive at all, just supportive and honest, as per my example.
Try to sound like a father, sorry i know that sounds cheezy, but I really think she's looking for that. If all she does is watch movies, listen to music, and read books (presumably novels not metaphysics texts) then she likley fantasizes alot.
This presents a problem in marriage, becuase spouses often fall short of the ideal...and often people who idealize their spouse end up hating them when they find out who you are, even if you arne't a half bad person. Its more the shock of growing up than there being anything wrong with you. Granted, I am sure you made some really bad moves. Just don't make any more of them.
I still think playing the mature father role is your best bet. I am in a much different situation, I have been criticized for working too hard and not being fun enough etc...we really need to find out what she's looking for in you..but my bet is maturity.
she's not into romance novels. she doesn't read that many books. in a given week, she works, gets something to eat, has a drink every few days, and goes to sleep. this does not include seeing her parents, being with our son, friends, and seeing OM.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
only talked to her once today though....it felt good. i made sure i got some good rest and I wasn't up wondering what she was doing. she went out with her sister for her sister's birthday. i called to talk to my son and say goodnight to him and that's all.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
i have an ear infection and first thing this morning she asked how it was doing, so that's a plus. i'm not looking for her to come back this week or this month or next month or anything like that; i just want to know if she's thinking "hmmm this doesn't feel like the right thing anymore maybe ...." of course outwardly to me she is certain in her ways. any signals i could find ?
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
i have an ear infection and first thing this morning she asked how it was doing, so that's a plus. i'm not looking for her to come back this week or this month or next month or anything like that; i just want to know if she's thinking "hmmm this doesn't feel like the right thing anymore maybe ...." of course outwardly to me she is certain in her ways. any signals i could find ?
Buster, here's your short answer:
If you're searching your wife's words and actions for "clues," then you're not detaching.
damnit PDT i know. but, as long as she is having communication with me, can't i read into it ? i only talk to her once a day so i like to know what she's really saying.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
i know. but, as long as she is having communication with me, can't i read into it ? i only talk to her once a day so i like to know what she's really saying.