Take Away This Ball & Chain

[Sugar and Spice]

In your case, I wanted to be very harsh from the beginning but didn't "know" you and was afraid to speak out. I honestly believe that getting yourself out of his mess, is the best thing you could have done for you and your family. Sometimes we just need to face the fact that things are not as we thought they would be. Sometimes, it was bad timing, worse choice.

I wish you would have, however I don't think I would have "heard" you. All input is welcome. Sometimes it is better coming from someone who is a new voice, kind of a jolt of sorts.

I think the trick is to STILL be nice (most people in my life would tell you I'm one of the nicest people they know), but to not be a "Nice Guy"/"Nice Girl" in the contest of the "NMMNG" teaching.
Be courteous, kind and conscientious, but not pleasing.
It's all about who you're doing it for. If you're doing it because it's who you are, and it's simply the right thing to do, then that's fine. But if you're doing it to create some sort of quid pro quo from your spouse, or out of fear of what their reaction is going to be (that they'll "get mad"), then you've crossed over into pleasing/rescuing/supplicating territory, and THAT doesn't work.
Puppy

These are the behaviors I am going to have to "unlearn." Being the child of an extremely violent and tempramental mother and a father who believed in "peace at any price." I learned to be a pleaser/rescuer early on and obviously in many areas its never stopped.

I'm trying now, thats the best I can do.