Bring on the Rain - Part 4

[fightingirish]

Sues,

We all are here for you always, I do think that this site is a god send,because all of us can relate to one another in some way, and "talk" to each other without any judgments. That's a big big thing as far as i'm concerned. I think 80% of the time people don't reach out to their actual "friends" because of what they might think of them for staying and trying, lets face it, there are so many people out there that do just give up, but most of us on here are not those people. Its just hard to find actual people you can trust with this "information".

Ok,enough of my ramblings.

I am so glad you have your family, that's wonderful, truly. I would definately tried reaching out to your Fil. Im sure he would still love having a relationship with D4, and its wonderful of you to understand how important it is.

Your such a great person Sue, really you are.

[SueS]

Thanks tal. I'll check on you soon. I'm always thinking of you!

Busy couple of days for me. I told D4 last night that we were moving, however, I didn't tell her that daddy is not going with us. It was hard to avoid the subject, as the place is filled with boxes. H did not want to talk to her last night and keeps saying....we'll talk to her when the time comes. H's anger is coming out at me. My friends and family keep telling me that I shouldn't be one bit surprised. I let him have it his way for all these years and now that I'm not bending, his shock is coming out as anger. Gee, I think I've heard that once or twice here too! I told my mom that I just hope that some day he realizes why I couldn't bend this time.

D4 did help me get her room packed up. H was clearly shocked when he got home last night and saw her bed taken apart, boxes packed and everything in her room ready to go. I'd also pulled out several items that we needed to go through. He wants NOTHING that has my picture on/in it and nothing that reminds him of us. He wanted all the wine glasses, as he said that they were "his" and that he'd bought them. I reminded him that 1 set of 4 were from our wedding. His response was.....then you take them or I'll just throw them in the trash. His main place at home has always been the kitchen. I told him to take everything from there, as he either purchased it or it was given to him. He told me he wants his knife set & a frying pan.....nothing else. I then went on to ask about the rest of the furniture. Nope....he wants nothing.....Sue can take it all. I asked what he was going to do. His respnse was.....What do you care? I've been hearing that response A LOT to questions I've asked the past week. It's either that or....Not that you care.....and he'll tell me something. I told him yesterday.... H, just because this is happening to us doesn't mean I'm a cold hearted b*tch that doesn't care about you at all. I do care and you're the father of someone very precious to me.

H told me yesterday that his license is being suspended for 90 days, however, in 15, he can apply for a home-work driving permit. For that amount of time, he will have to try to take a bus. I got a.....Not that you care...at that time. He told me that I shouldn't care because it doesn't affect me. AH, it very well could still affect me. We're still married and you're still on the title to my van.

H had switched his work schedule yesterday & today. He lied to D4 telling her that he was going to work early today so he could go golfing after work. I gave him the "I know better" look. He has tickets to a concert tonight. He bailed on helping me get D4 to school today too. He acted offended that I actually expected him to take D4 to school on a day that he normally does just because he'd switched his schedule. He said....Well, I can't possibly take her....I have to be to work early. No surprise. Thankfully I was anticipating that he'd pull that crap so I already had D4 ready to go. It got me in 1/2 hr. later than I had planned to be in but hey....I spent the extra time with D4 and poor H didn't have to go out of his way.

I had originally asked H to help me move this weekend. I'm pulling away from that thought, as my family has offered to come in a day earlier to help me. That would take the pressure off of having to get everything in order by Saturday. I still have a lot to do. H works until 1:00 on Sat. and D4 has a b-day party to go to. I may take them up on the offer.

Well, busy day here at work since I wasn't here yesterday.

Have a good one everyone!

SueS

[Rob1231]

I had originally asked H to help me move this weekend. I'm pulling away from that thought, as my family has offered to come in a day earlier to help me. That would take the pressure off of having to get everything in order by Saturday. I still have a lot to do. H works until 1:00 on Sat. and D4 has a b-day party to go to. I may take them up on the offer.

Do it, Sue! Take them up on that offer RIGHT NOW! Your family is wanting to support you when you need it - let them!

[mcojh]

No brainer Sue. Use the family. They want to help and undoubtedly feel helpless at this point. They want to do something to help.......

[LL44]

They want to help and undoubtedly feel helpless at this point.

So true! People love you and want to help in any way. They will feel great that you asked them. If H shows up to help, more power to him. But I wouldn't mention the move anymore.

I hope H doesn't move with you. I know (if he is anything like my H), he will keep weaseling his way in, controlling you, pressuring you to do it his way.

(((SUE)))

[SueS]

It looks like my family will be coming in early next week. They're looking forward to the weekend. It will be nice to have them here.

Journaling............

Quiet night at home last night. D4 and I hung out and just did a few other things for the move. She wanted so badly to help me with my room, but I had her relax, while I did some things. Not sure when H got home. He went to see Tom Petty last night, on what I can only surmise was a date with OW. You know, there have been times that I know he's walked out of our door to go see OW. This time was different, as I know he had a "planned" date with her......dinner, concert. I think lwb talked about this kind of a deal once when her H had a "date" with his OW. Just an odd feeling. I didn't cry. It was just....odd. Something I'm ready to get away from.

I called home this morning to talk to D4. These are some of the details of my convo. with H.....
Today he asked me what was up for Saturday as far as getting my things moved. I told him that I'd decided not to do it on Sat. because there was too much going on and too much to be done before then. I told him that I'd have my family help me when they came in next week. He got mad and said.....Fine, I'll get my stuff out this weekend. Then he turned around again said that he could at least still help me get some of my heavy stuff moved this weekend. I told him that I need to get things out of storage also. He asked me what. I listed the items.

Then, he announces that D4 will need to go stay with my family for........a month. He can't afford to pay for daycare for next month. My response: WHAT??? A MONTH??? He went on about how he has to figure everything out. He doesn't have the money to pay for her to go to daycare next month. With his DUI he has to find a way to get to work for the next 2 weeks (suspended lic.). He has to find a place to stay. He has to do this and that...etc. I was angry and every time that I pushed it, he became more upset. I feel as if I have no choice but to do this, as I can afford our expenses, but not adding all of daycare on top of it. I told him that now that baseball is over, I'll ask my dad to come down for a couple weeks. He was dumbfounded and asks WHY??? Ah, because I refuse to be without D4 for a month. I stopped just short of saying.....I'm amazed that you'd want her gone that long. But, I guess I'm not amazed.

Then D4 tells me that daddy is picking her up early tomorrow from school to go see The BoDeans in concert. I knew he had 3 tickets and that he had originally ordered them for the 3 of us us (bought them a month ago) but he'd refused to ask me if I'd go with them after all the crap that's happened the past few weeks. I got him on the phone and said, What is she talking about? He said, I'm taking her to a festival nearby to see The BoDeans tomorrow. (We took her last year in downtown Minneapolis-outdoor show). I said, When were you going to tell me? He said, I don't have to tell you. I said, YES YOU DO! What the hell, were you thinking that I'd get to daycare to pick her up tomorrow and she wouldn't be there????? He said, fine, then see if you can get off work early and you can go with. As much as I don't want to, I do not trust him to make the right decisions right now so I will go. A friend of mine said, Sue, do you really not trust him with his own daughter? I told her that as much as I'd like to, there's a part of me that is scared by his actions and comments. Not scared of what he'd do to me or of him doing something harmful to D4, but of him deciding to just leave with her. He threatened me 3 years ago (when drunk) that he was going to take her away from me and back to IN with him. I know he can't legally do that, but I still have a little of that fear.

His comment about not needing to tell me told me one thing loud and clear......I need some legal action in place.

Busy day here today. Need to run.

SueS

[Sara]

Yes, you do. He is a loose cannon.

[mcojh]

3 words Sue.....temporary custody order.....it's legal, binding and forces him to pay child support.

I am seeing the Bodeans tomorrow as well. I f I see your H I will spill on him for you.

[SueS]

mcojh-

Thanks for making me chuckle! Just for your spilling reference: He's 6' 2", black hair, suntanned & green eyes....wears a lot of man jewelry (chains, bracelets, a silver ring on his thumb). He'll be the one that's full of himself and checking out all the women (single or married) at the show. If I go, I'll be the 5' 5", short brown hair/blonde highlights, with glasses mom, carrying a 4-year old with brown hair.

I've been looking at information about the temporary orders. I know it's a good idea, but at the same time, with his behavior, I have a little fear that it would push his anger further.

SueS


Fun. Well, maybe next year we'll have to meet and hang out there and have fun!

[SueS]

H called me at work late this afternoon. He was nasty and snapping. He wanted to know about this weekend. He critizied each and every thing I had planned. He told me that in a few days I don't have to worry or ask about what he's doing or where he's going. I told him that we still have D4 to consider. I asked if he was still thinking about going to live in IN. He said that if he has another month like this one, that yes, he probably will, as he thinks he'll get fired.

H asked me if it was "feel sorry for Sue" week next week. He asked why my family is coming in town. Well, my parents come all the time, my niece & her boyfriend came last year on the same weekend and had been planning on coming again and my sister & bil just wanted to come in.

He was just very angry. He then asked me if I was going to retain an attorney or if we were going to do this amicably. I told him 2 things. Getting an attorney does not mean that things will not be peaceful. And, that I've told him all along that I want it peaceful. I reminded him that we need to get things worked out about D4. He said....there's forms online that we can do the divorce ourselves.

Just nasty today. The nerve of the guy to have a freakin' date last night and then think it's okay to treat me like sh*t today???

SueS