Just wanted to let you know Brian that I'm reading along but Ian, Mike and Gypsy at the very least appear to have a balanced enough view that hopefully you can sit back and ruminate on a little (not too much! that's bad for the head).
I like Gypsy's suggestion very much of the linking up with W on how to approach your dad. United front to your parents can't help but show you still consider the two of you to be a team, *particularly* where d11 is involved. Ditto to 'it ain't superman time'.
Under normal circumstances I would completely agree about the united front with your dad. Roght now however is not the time to approach her with a teamwork style of doing this given her current opinions on your marriage.
Brian, do not defend. I understand how you feel and that you tried to prioritize, take care of things, and be in charge. It is the nurturer and provider in you. Have you taken the Briggs Meyer personality profile, if not, do so. I imagine you will come out as a Provider. I am one myself. Your finances are tracking right along with how mine went with my wife. You believe you are doing what needs to be done, and they just don't agree because they weren't involved.
Acknowledge to her that you should have kept her more informed (you should have). Let her know that you understand that while you were simply trying to do what was best, you may not have gone about it the best way possible. Let her see that you understand that your tendancies as a provider are to take charge and sometimes that leads you to not communicate as well as you should have.
I know you see this as something you felt you did right, and your heart was in the right place. However you need to get your involved in the financial aspects of your marriage. It is importnat and she needs to see that you understand that she fealt uninformed.
Hang in there Brian, and yes....be still.....
Ian
Ian...
I totally agree the last thing she wants at this point is to 'united' with me on any front.
Yes I have taken the test, turns out I am ESTJ (supervisor/provider), I figured out with the latest convo it doesn't do any good to defend, cause right now she is not at any point to admit whether she was involved or knew about them at all right now it's just all my fault okay that's fine. Even though she had always said she wanted nothing to do with the finances as long as there was money she didn't care but I hear you, I should have still made a better point more often of talking about it.
It's weird she has gotten to the point where if I validate her she tells me to knock it and quit validating.
Hangin in there the ball is in her court as to what amount of importance she puts on this if it is enough to put her over the top or not, her comment about finding a lawyer that would give us a 2 for 1 deal (bankruptcy & divorce) kinda stung abit but didn't react to it.
